This is bullshit

Miserable is a word I would use to define how I felt when I wrote this poem. I believe it’s equally important to explore the miserable moments just as much as you enjoy the pleasant ones.

My whole body feels like a glove
numb and removed from reality
Its hard to breathe
Its hard to hear
This cancer has taken away everything
I have given up so much to it
Simply too much to count
I hurt and ache and struggle to do the things I want
I hate this experience
I am terribly miserable
I do everything in my power to make this bearable
I use all the tricks I can
I am more positive than I thought was humanly possible
I feel like a sliver of energy surrounded by a mass of meat.  
Dead and dying meat

The cancer has taken everything from me
My hopes, my dreams, my pleasures
I know nothing but pain, every moment is a struggle
Every moment I fight for survival
I fight every moment to prove I am more than my cancer,
but it permeates every facet of my being.

It has been so long since I've been healthy that I dont know anything else
Sometimes I question my existence.  
I begin to doubt the cancer, the chemo, the surgery
I begin to wonder if there was a starting point
Perhaps I have always been in this place
Every moment I know is a challenge
Every moment is filled with pain
There is nothing to prove there is a past or a future
I only exist in the now and right now, all I know is pain.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.