Nightmares and Fear
I have nightmares every time I fall asleep. There is so much terror and uncertainty in my life that it is sneaking into my dreams. Today I spoke to my psychologist about the things I have experienced. It seems like if it isn’t one thing, then its another, or another, or another. These horrible experiences keep finding me. Its like I am continually being baptized by fire. I do my best to make the best of it. I try to see myself as a hunk of steel being forged into a sharpened blade.
All of the forward momentum and force of will has its limits. Eventually you start looking at yourself asking why, why do these things keep happening to me? What am I doing that is causing all of these horrors? What can I do to stop it?
I have been pushing the idea that I am not my cancer, but right now I feel like I am my agony. My life is a mass of terrible things that are very uncomfortable. In every corner there is either worry, pain or fear, and I have found no way to escape or overcome it.
If you would like to continue following me in my journey through cancer feel free to click this link to read more.