February 15, 2017
Today is the friendly day of February 15, 2017 and the world is a wonderful place. Last night I negotiated a good night rest and awoke refreshed, ready to live.
As I laid in the darkness with my lovely, beautiful lady asleep next to me, I felt myself overwhelmed by the numbness of my body. I desperately wanted to feel again, I was afraid that the neuropathy was only going to get worse and that I’d be without sensation for the rest of my life.
Then there was a defining moment, a second when I decided that I would feel again. Returning to the techniques I used while going through chemotherapy, I imagined what it felt like before these new sensations. I brought my hands to touch my flesh, and before my skin made contact I imagined how it used to feel. Then I slid my finger tip across my flesh, the old memory became the new memory. It was at this moment that I said: “I am choosing to make my old memory the new memories. I am reprogramming my experience of NOW, with the experiences of BEFORE.”
Yet as I was experimenting with old techniques I realized I needed to fall asleep. The act had been difficult for some time now. I attempted my regular meditations of taking a bath or reading, but this time I tried something different. As I laid there I imagined cute creatures like kittens, puppies and other baby animals doing funny things. I thought about how soft they were, how adorable they were. Every thought became an experience, every moment was filled with an all encompassing cuteness. I accessed memory after memory until my heart and mind were settled and I fell asleep.
I slept beautifully and awoke refreshed.
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