At every step in our life we are faced with change. It’s an opportunity to become something else, to be transformed by the moment. I have experienced many opportunities to change in my cancer journey. I have done my best to accept these gifts as they are presented to me. When our world begins to transform we must temper it with wisdom, becoming something else is not enough, we must critically observe the transformation.
Ghost Tree (the art piece of the tree: see below) was inspired by the parts of our lives that die but remain even after we continue to live. Looking at it now I’m reminded of my mother, especially her journey through cancer and heart disease. She died of congestive heart failure and pancreatic cancer. Since my diagnosis there have been many moments when I wondered if she had carcinoid cancer.
My mother walked the road of cancer with grace. She made the most of her life. She lived her final moments by her terms. When she was put on hospice she chose to take control of her life and how she would walk into death. My mother was an inspiration, an incredibly loving and passionate woman.
In the last weeks of her life she arranged one final hurrah, a vacation for the entire family. Together we went on a cruise, it would be the last time we would be together as a happy, harmonious family.
The diagnosis of cancer is a catalyst for great change. It is through our wisdom that we decide whether this change is benevolent or malevolent. My mother showed me that no matter where the road leads us, we ultimately have the decision to decide how we leave. We decide how we will be remembered and how much love we can bring into the world.
A Good Life
As we move forward in life, parts of us die, while others continue to grow. When we lose people close to us it is important to remember how they lived, but it is also important to remember how they died.
The end of life is not the first death we’ve experienced. Change means something must stop so another may begin. These moments are smaller deaths to prepare us for the final one at the end of our road. If we gracefully accept the small changes in our life we will be ready for the final transformation at the end.
This post is about acceptance, love and growth. It is an exploration of life and those who have inspired us. Its a message that change can be good, the good comes from wisdom, temper it well and you will lead a good life.
I am beginning to discover that it is our dying parts that inspire others to live. To explore the magical nature of life and take the time to experience the experience. If you would like to walk back in time and read my thoughts from the past feel free to follow this link:
This art piece is a snap shot in time just before we fall in love. It is at this moment that we each decide whether we move with the current of our heart or we pull ourselves to shore.
Without love, life would be without purpose. The action of our passions is love made manifest. This art piece was made during a troubling time, a moment where my world was being turned upside down. The love I was about to embrace was a manic desire, a passion of the worst order.
The moment I fell for my love, my now love, was during another troubling time. I was rising from the ashes of another life. I was recuperating under the roof of a true friend. My love, my now love came to me in a dark hour, an hour that became a long night, a night that became an eclipse of the sun.
If you would like to have your heart strings warmed with a smile uses your computer hands to click on this link.
If you would like your soul parts strummed and played with the passion of love made manifest then click on this link.
The world is a series of interconnected mysteries, a place where we can easily lose ourselves in even the simplest of structures. This art piece reflects the incomprehensible interconnections of people and our environment.
The Loom of Fate was a piece that I created to illustrate the similarities that our lives have with a tapestry. Our hearts and minds are the physical manifestation of our soul parts, and it is the events of our lives and the passage of time that is the loom.
Through personal exploration and introspection I have discovered that regret is a monster that gnaws at the very root of one’s being. To indulge this beast, is to invite the inability to enjoy the passing moments of this beautiful world.
When we look at the Loom of Fate piece, we see our tapestry in its entirety. When we do this we can see where we came from, who we were and where we are now. In life, if we are to know where we are going we must know where we have been so that we can influence where it is that we are heading.
Knowing our past isn’t enough to move beyond regret; to develop a healthier spirit, and to watch our soul strengthen we must embrace every part of our tapestry. If it were not for the bad, we would never have perspective to appreciate the good. It is through all the moments of our life that our tapestry is woven, for without one fiber, no others may exist.
This piece of artwork set the direction for several years of exploration.
Sometimes it is a challenge to see our environment, it is difficult to make out exactly what it is we are experiencing. When you are facing something as difficult as cancer it can be hard to find which direction is the right way to go. This is especially true of my cancer journey. When I started this road I put my faith into a group of professionals that I thought would lead me well. Unfortunately I discovered I was a blind man being led by another blind person.
In one of my last posts I made a comment about how upsetting it was that my oncologist knew very little about my cancer. After watching this video it shed more light onto why he was so mistaken about the nature of my disease.
Why do I need a specialist?
Ignorance of something rare is excusable, but is it when the doctor doesn’t refer you out to someone who might be more knowledgeable?
There are two kinds of carcinoid, typical and atypical. I have the pleasure of owning the atypical variety. I had a pneumonectoy on July 27, 2016. That means that my right lung was removed in the attempt to stop the spread of my cancer.
In the following video Dr. Robert Merritt details some of the nuances of Bronchial Carcinoids. If you have the time to listen to it its actually pretty fascinating. If you have a carcinoid friend inside of you there is a chance it might get your gear going in the right direction.
Look here! This is another opportunity to read more about my cancer journey! If you would like to take some more steps with me, feel free to click here!
This piece is a snap shot in time of Kaos giving birth to the Greek universe.
A New Universe of Cancer
Discovering you have cancer is akin to the death of one universe and the creation of another. When I was diagnosed with cancer I wasn’t strong enough to be an advocate for my own health. I was so weak of mind and body that I entrusted my oncology team to do the best for me. After realizing my oncologist’s understanding of my cancer was far from what I needed, it opened another universe.
This universe was overwhelming, it spawned so many questions and put me in a state of awe. Truly it was an awesome experience, not the connotation of that word, instead the literal denotation. It opened my eyes and made me realize that though I was facing a terrible road I had an opportunity. In this opportunity I could help others taking their first steps down their cancer journey. I could work to spread awareness of NETs and carcinoids.
This series: A New Universe of Cancer focuses on my research and thoughts and what can be done to help those who are on this horrible road. Its primary focus will be Advocacy and a secondary on carcinoids and NETS. I wish to also address the needs of those hold the hand of those walking the road of cancer.
This site is a good place to start, it provides a good introduction to carcinoids and NETS: Click me!