The Body of Life – Tree of Life


The Body of Life

The roots feed into the body of the Tree of Life. This is a magical place, an area where we store our being. It is the symbol of who we are, what we’ve experienced and how we interpret reality.

Each ring is a year of our existence, it tells a story, chapter by chapter, the book of our life. If we read this book we can gain insight into who we are. From these tales, we can construct a map, one that will guide us in our adventure. With this knowledge, we can transition from cartographers to engineers as we reshape our lives.

This segment, the Body of Life, is dedicated to personal exploration. Together we’ll walk a personal road, getting to know ourselves, looking to the future and learning to love our lives. Come with me, I’ll lead the way. Once we know who we are, we can choose to become whoever we want to be.

Reprieve – Body of Life

Healthy Relationships – Body of Life


Forgiveness – Tree of Life



Forgiveness is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. When we feed these roots,  a weight lifts from our chest and the world becomes easier to breath. Forgiveness soothes the angry bees in our belly, takes away the lightning behind our eyes.

The act of feeding positive energy into this root is more than just saying: “I forgive you.” You have to actually deal with the issues fueling the guilt. Face down the baggage you’ve been carrying and work through the puzzles. Life is filled with all sorts of games, its a matter of solving them and learning something along the way. The guilt we feel has a value, before we can allow forgiveness to take hold we have to understand the significance of the guilt.

Ignoring your responsibility is not the same as forgiveness. Negligence is an inherent flaw of negative energy. To refuse your responsibility is denial, a negative root of the Tree of Life.

There are moments when guilt can be healthy. If we have a relationship with this root, then we wont allow it to grow longer than it needs to be. Hold onto it long enough to keep us healthy and remain accountable for our actions.

Guilt – Tree of Life


Crying Pain – Reflections


Crying Pain

In the middle of the night I called one of my closet friends. A true friend, one I consider a brother. My friend drove me to the hospital, quickly we got a room and my pain inched forward in intensity. At its peak I was crying, clutching my chest and losing awareness of anything other than the agony.

I had no fear, I knew only pain.  All my energy focused to meditate, succumb and manage the pain. It so was incredible, a pain equal to the greatest pain I’d ever felt.

With each slight breath, my world was hammered with impossible pain. Every single breath was the worst imaginable. I gasped for air, moments I tried to hold my breath to find a reprieve, but a deep breath followed and my hell increased to something beyond imagination. Pressing my hand into my pec muscles I tried to massage near the pain, perhaps interrupt its signal, as much as I tried, it did nothing, the pain was deep, under my ribs, around my lungs.

It was intense, so terrible, but I can only imagine my friend’s horror, watching hopelessly as I writhed in agony. The torture of wanting to do anything, but knowing he could do nothing.

Another friend visited, fed me some biscuits and gravy and drove me home. We had a heart to heart, one with love and hope.

After getting home I discovered shut eye. When my eyes closed, nightmares snuck into the darkness of my eyes, hunted my heart and captured my soul. Some terrors were of the hospital, the island of my ex, and horrors in between. The dreams were full of screams, fear and pain, cries and pleas.

I woke to a softened lung pain, a light scream. As the specters of my sleep slipped away I discovered a path. One that led me to a door, as I opened it, it transformed how I see myself. Finally I see the good things in myself that I’ve always searched for in others. My heart parts are gooey, glowing with golden light of love, peace and harmony. A place where even the dark parts are lit with the divine light of heavenly energy. 


Harmony – Tree of Life


Harmony – Tree of Life



Harmony is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. It’s the act of accepting, succumbing and overcoming the past. Harmony is an experience unlike any other. It’s an abstract sensation, one of calm, of ease, of tranquility. Those who feed the roots harmony aren’t beyond the range of human emotion. Rather they aren’t haunted by it like others may be.

Living without regret is not the same as living with harmony. My proactive prevention of regret has never led to the state of peace I feel today. Instead that philosophy kept my insides from catching fire.

I regret nothing

Everything that happened has been a stepping stone to where I am now. I’ve spoken of the hardships and pain associated with being a stepping stone for someone else. Though it may have hurt, it had to happen. Some were blessings, so amazing it was an honor endure such anguish.

I’ve been in relationships with horrific and delightful partners, good and bad pairings. Though heart break permeates them all, I regret none. Even more so, I love them for what they were.

There is something to be gained from everything. If you can gleam love, a lesson or perhaps some lore it had significance.

I love everyone

It’s true, I do love everyone. It doesn’t matter if you hurt me, we never met or you’re a friend. It was a recent milestone that I discovered this, when your mile stone finds you… you will be awestruck by it.

My milestone was being cool with my brother, and letting go of the past with both he and my father.


Regret – Tree of Life


Rationality – Tree of Life



Rationality is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. It’s the act of fueling our thoughts with positive energy. With it we make sound emotional decisions supported by reason.

Throughout the years, I’ve watched the world become something other than what I thought it was. People doing things that don’t make sense. Their motivations are undiscernible. In a story, a character must be believable and so must their motivations. In life though, that doesn’t seem to be the reality. The only commonality I’ve seen is that people who hurt, hurt others. Some people hurt so much they become unbelievable villains. Their only drive, the motive of their actions is to watch the world burn.

In my journey, I’ve blamed myself here and there. I’ve been convinced I was the villain, the destroyer of this relationship or that one. Was encouraged to believe my actions resulted in the destruction of something beautiful, a treasured and wonderful relationship. It’s not true.

I am not solely responsible. You are not solely responsible. We, however, together in our relationships, we are solely responsible.

If I were healthy, I wouldn’t have dated my ex.

At least not in the way that we coupled. The way it happened wasn’t fair to her ex, her or me.

I was used. Used for all sorts of things that honestly isn’t any one’s business. The primary one, the one I want to share, is I was made into a tool. A weapon to help end my ex’s relationship with her lover. That’s not fair. I’m not an instrument for someone else to terminate their relationship. I know what that feels like, it sucks to be the stepping stone for someone else. It hurts to be the placeholder till someone else comes along. That’s not me. I don’t want to see anyone else hurt. I’m done hurting, I don’t want to hurt anyone else.

With that said, it was still a WE, we both contributed to what happened. I may have been on pain meds, recuperating from having my lung removed and looking down the barrel of chemotherapy. I was lonely and afraid. She was there, she made herself present and so, I quickly fell in love. Ultimately though I am equally responsible for another person’s pain and to that person I am sorry for that.

I’m sorry that I hurt you.

It is never my intention to hurt another person. There are times when I’m overcome with the experience of life and the things I say are raw and hurtful. I’m not a perfect person, I feel and love, all sorts of imperfections can be found within me. I have cancer for god sake, there is no way I’m perfect.

So, what does all this lead into?

The positive root of rationality is more than accepting your role in relationships, it’s acknowledging and respecting their ebb and flow. We’re not always equally responsible at every moment. A wise man once told me this ebb and flow is akin to a seesaw. Sometimes you’re in the air and sometimes you’re not. There are times when we are more responsible, times when we have less.


Malfunction – Tree of Life





Horse Emotions – Tree of Life


Horse Emotions

Emotions do things, make noises and move around. Like a little creature or a horse, we go to them and embrace the moment. Often, we mount a saddle and start riding. These creatures do all sorts of stuff, especially if we don’t know how to reign them in. We let the horse go this way and that as it tramples shit and runs amuck. After a little bit, we figure it out and look back at what we’ve done. We say crap, what have I done and we try to make things right. We beg and plead, we demand and yell. We pester and poke. Eventually we get off the horse and walk away. We have to just hope others know what it’s like to be stuck on a horse as it moves through our life.


Never-ending Journey – Relfections

Never-ending Journey – Relfections

Never-ending Journey

Never-ending Journey

In a world of regret, of sadness and shame we are prone to experiencing a myriad of pain before we find our way. Each way is a road leading to another path of pain. It is a never-ending journey, but with each step we discover more about how to be, how to live, how to exist.

I am not the master of anything, or a jack of all, I am just a person looking inward and trying to express himself outward. I love you, even though we may have never met, I love you and you are loved. If I don’t like you, or you don’t like me, I still love you. Perhaps we crossed each other, I wronged you or you wronged me, no matter I still love you.

We all do things that we might not be proud of, we all have emotions and we express them. No matter what we may believe we are never the master of our own emotions. Eventually they will escape from their crate and run amuck.

It is a matter of knowing which emotions we want to let free, which we need to take for a walk and which we need to leave in a crate. The “bad” ones need to be crate trained, fed a certain kind of diet, but ultimately, loved the same as any other.

Life is love, perhaps not beyond the boundaries of the world I know, but beyond what I know, I cannot know.

We cannot be in each other’s vulnerable moments, but at these times, search for love, search for goodness. Accept nothing less than those who will love us unconditionally. Who will accept us for who we are because they love everything about us.

We may at times feel powerful, but when we desire to have power over another, we are focused on the “me” instead of the we. We are love, we are life, we are the journey.


Equal and Peaceful – Poem