Sleepy – A New Universe of Cancer


I’ve been very tired these last few days, sleepy tired.  Sleepy like cute little kitty kitties.  I’m fatigued now and I’ve only been up for a short time.  I wanted to stay the night with my lady friend but I was too sleepy to drive over to her place.  Its a different kind of tired, its a cleaner feeling, its not the bone crushing weakness of chemo.  I would describe it as a softer, sleepier sensation.  The kind where you want to snuggle under some sheets and curl into the some blankets till you fall asleep.  The nausea and other unpleasant sensations are there as well, but aren’t as bad as they were the other night.

If I could I would love to just sleep and sleep and sleep, but that’s the road to bad things.  My cats love to sleep but even they are social creatures.  They need interaction and so do I.  Though my cats may love me,  I love people and much of my energy is formed from the relationships with others.

This journey has taken much of my ability to flutter like a social butterfly, but one day I intend to reclaim that skill.  I think that once I can put all the feels of now into the feels of the past folder, all will be moving in the right direction.

Fatigue seems to be one of the many sources that steals away much of what I have in life.  Fatigue and all those other unpleasant sensations.  It is important to a have a shout out for all the other baddies.


If I were to guess why I was so tired?  I’d say the problem lies in my nutrition.  If I ever knew how to feed myself I no long know now.  I don’t even know what kind of groceries I should get when I get to the store.

When I get home I’m too tired to do anything with the food.  I know the best way to get energy is to spend energy, but when you don’t have any to spend, you can’t make more.  I’m not going to make wishes about this or that, but I will say that I am glad I was finally able to schedule an appointment with a clinical nutritionist on Monday.

This person is not going to be the end all be all, but they can be a start.  I have the chance to improve my life through their education.

That’s where I am not and why I didn’t post over the weekend.  I hope that you all are feeling super great and had fantastic adventures!

If your would like to read about about feel of A New Universe of Cancer feel free to click this fancy drearily friendly link.

A fine day in deed

A Fine day

A Fine Day

I was a fine day, a fine day indeed.  Today I started cleaning my home.  Right now I am taking a break from it, because I just don’t have the lung power to keep at it all day.  I hooked up my rice maker, that is exciting, I think it would be nice to have some rice available whenever I wanted it.  A short term goal of mine is to get my house tidy again, have a good food prep area and feel comfortable eating at home.

All of this is wrapped up into my pursuit in reducing stress.  I think that if I can reduce my stress I can take some strain off my nervous system. Then maybe that might be an immediate way for me to reduce some of this neuropathy.

I have noticed that the less I focus on the sensation the less I notice them.  Video games have never been much of my thing, but World of Tanks has really helped me get away from my body sensations.

The days of Chemo fun

I remember the marathon cleaning sessions I would do after I recovered from each treatment.  Ino would do nothing except for sit on the couch texting women on tinder as I vacuumed, swept, washed and cleaned.  One of his jobs was to clean the house but he never did.  He always had an excuse as to why he couldn’t do it.  The excuses ranged from the smell of cat litter made him want to throw up, washing dishes gave him flashbacks, his knees were hurting too much to move, he was too depressed to help, he was suicidal or he was going to go out on
a date.

The house would get worse than it is even now.  Mostly because back then I was throwing up all the time and was bed ridden for a good part of it.  For the two months that he lived with me he did the dishes twice and took out the cat litter box five times.  Every time he did something he griped so much it was clear that he was doing the chores.

A fine DayProtective Super suit of INO

On the five occasions that he changed the cat litter box, he looked like he was wearing a bio-hazard suit. His face was covered with a mask, he wore latex gloves, and put on an alternate pair of clothes.  As he changed the box he would yell and make throw up sounds that echoed throughout my home. After he changed the box he would run as fast as he could through the house to toss the litter into the garbage can outside.

Sometimes Ino would see that either Acre or Sasha had thrown up a hair ball on the floor.  I watched his reaction many times.  Ino would first start by opening his mouth up as wide as it could go.  His hands would raise above his head, his arms slightly bent so his elbows were pointed outward.  Then he would growl and then release a blood curdling scream.   “Mother fuck!”  was a common statement he would make.  I would look over at him and give him the “what in the hell” kind of look.  He would also have these reactions when he found cat hair on his bed sheets or his clothing.  When he lived in the house there was a lot of growling and strange yells.  I’ve never experienced that kind of weirdness before, but it wasn’t until Ino started abusing me that his other behaviors became a problem.


Beyond all that silliness today has been a pretty good day thus far.  I slept well, I feel a little spacey, but I do have the energy to start getting things done.

A fine day in deed.