Remember it’s fun to swim and dance with glee, cause when you do it sets you free. Truth be told, if I may be so bold, being silly makes me smile. It gets rid of the waste by making my day taste sweet and tart as it warms my heart. It is especially great when its late and we feel old and cold. We can scrape off the stress as we are impressed by the marvelous melodies of our magnificent moments. So as you sit, sleep or stand wiggle your feet like you are listening to a band. Shift your hips from side to side like the electric slide. Laugh, love and live your life to the fullest. Use your clever mind and pull joy’s lever and surely you will have fun forever!
Most times when I breathe it hurts, like a knuckly knot tying off the life to my lung. Sometimes when I breathe it feels light, gentle and soft like a soothing sheet cuddling us asleep. Tonight as I lay in bed waiting to dance my sleepy time tunes my heart bounces behind my chest. It’s a rhythmic lullaby, a soothing story, a ballad of better times. The air is easy and for a change I do not feel queasy. My heart feels loved and I’m not being shoved. I feel good, great and even better now I am in a sleepy state. This is a marvelous moment, a comfortable time and a sign of a soothing scene that is coming to me in the land of dreams.
It’s a water day. On weekends when I feel ill. The water helps calm me. Like a massage against my skin, a warmth to my muscles. It makes me want to sleep away the last few hours before the sun rises. To wake and return to life refreshed. That is the life, one where I feel blessed.
When you called me weak… it took me to my peek and placed a smile on my face. I was empowered by your disgrace, it reminded me of the challenges I have faced. It was the most invigorating insult I’ve ever received.
So thank you, for your delightful words for though at the time you intended for me to feel like a pile of turds it inspired me to embrace all of my words.
Jump into the air and be joyously jolly. Live, love and wear your heart like a glove. Stand with those who lift you high into the sky and dine on life like its a dreamy delight. Be better than before and flourish your beautiful light with all the might of a star. Let no bar barricade you from the gate of your divine destiny. Stand with me and become all you can be, a harmonious human, a happy heart and a silly soul swimming through the sea of destiny.
Hope the Mouse
So much our time is focused on cancer that we often become it. Every time I have a test or a scan my heart shutters and my nerves shake. I’ve grown so accustomed to bad news that good news has become the bad. Hope the Mouse is a representation of my fear, anxiety and guilt when it comes to the idea of overcoming cancer.
I dread the day when all of this is over (if it ever is). The reason is because it’s like dying, when its over I will have to begin a new life, change is hard enough for most, starting over is another matter entirely. When I was first diagnosed with cancer I experienced the death of my old life, once again when I discovered I still had cancer and again once cancer became my life. These moments are rough and destructive to the soul, they hurt and often never stop hurting.
Without cancer I’m afraid I won’t have the same drive and purpose. I really want to be a part of a cause that makes the world a better place. The thought of losing traction of my dream is a nightmare. Having a singular purpose can be overwhelming, but it is so much more rewarding than the underwhelming life I once had.
I’m afraid of being cured, I’m afraid of not having cancer, I’m afraid of surviving.
These are the thoughts that plague me when I think about hope. They’re the feelings that haunt me. I want to live a long happy life, but the thought of Hope the Mouse is terrifying, and when I see her it makes me want to scream in terror.
Hope is not your enemy
I know that Hope isn’t my enemy. She is a valuable tool that pushes me forward every day. I may be afraid of her at times, but without her I can’t experience the experience of life. Without this little mouse I wouldn’t know how to ask why, I wouldn’t have the force of will to continue to walk and I wouldn’t have the heart to help others.
Hope is the true engine of my existence. My force of will determines who I am. With these two powerful elements I can overcome anything. When, not if… When I overcome this cancer I will continue to help others. Ultimately it is what is on the inside that determines who we are and what we have to offer. On the inside, I have Hope, the cute, yet terrifying mouse. She has guided me, continues to guide me and will always guide me.
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