Remember it’s fun to swim and dance with glee, cause when you do it sets you free. Truth be told, if I may be so bold, being silly makes me smile. It gets rid of the waste by making my day taste sweet and tart as it warms my heart. It is especially great when its late and we feel old and cold. We can scrape off the stress as we are impressed by the marvelous melodies of our magnificent moments. So as you sit, sleep or stand wiggle your feet like you are listening to a band. Shift your hips from side to side like the electric slide. Laugh, love and live your life to the fullest. Use your clever mind and pull joy’s lever and surely you will have fun forever!
Most times when I breathe it hurts, like a knuckly knot tying off the life to my lung. Sometimes when I breathe it feels light, gentle and soft like a soothing sheet cuddling us asleep. Tonight as I lay in bed waiting to dance my sleepy time tunes my heart bounces behind my chest. It’s a rhythmic lullaby, a soothing story, a ballad of better times. The air is easy and for a change I do not feel queasy. My heart feels loved and I’m not being shoved. I feel good, great and even better now I am in a sleepy state. This is a marvelous moment, a comfortable time and a sign of a soothing scene that is coming to me in the land of dreams.
It’s a water day. On weekends when I feel ill. The water helps calm me. Like a massage against my skin, a warmth to my muscles. It makes me want to sleep away the last few hours before the sun rises. To wake and return to life refreshed. That is the life, one where I feel blessed.
When you called me weak… it took me to my peek and placed a smile on my face. I was empowered by your disgrace, it reminded me of the challenges I have faced. It was the most invigorating insult I’ve ever received.
So thank you, for your delightful words for though at the time you intended for me to feel like a pile of turds it inspired me to embrace all of my words.
There are so many things we can do, but only if we are wearing blue shoes. If you want to know what to do, it will only take a few, we can take a cake from a pan and stand it up in the shape of a man. Surely, whirly maybe so, maybe his name will be Sterling Stan.
If it is, then we know, that we have to share with him how it goes. According to the band we have to play, a melody that celebrates this fine ol day. In this time it must be magical, a momentous moment that is fantastical and fun.
So without further a do, let me show you what can be done.
When you wallow in the shallow water inhabited by swallows you can call out to the walruses, malls and crosses.
You can play with Waldo by tossing your ball but only if are willing to confess you threw it over the wall. You can smile for awhile but only if you pet a goose like you’re a cast member of Foot Loose.
You can wine and dine Kevin Bacon but only if your willing to do some shake and baking. Be like Ricky Bobby at Taledega Nights and race like you’re going to out pace everyone to take first place.
These are some things you can do, but only if you are wearing blue shoes. Now you know what to do, it will only take a few, we can bake a cake and make a man, and name him Sterling Stan.
Now you know you can start to glow. You may embrace the silly till it’s stuck and play life like it’s a hockey puck. Slide and stretch, stride and glide cause in the end life will find a way to abide.
What makes you feel right? Is it a dark scary night? A woeful wind? A roaring rain?
Do you feel at peace when your heart is teased, when you can’t find release, perhaps when your bound in bondage?
Are you free when you can’t see or are in agony?
What is harmony? Is it a moment of dancing with glee? Perhaps when you discover your destiny? Is it a moment when you can simply be?
Can you reach inside yourself and find the things you need? Are you a circle that is complete? Are you ready to be set free?
Are you ready to breath?
Within each and every one of us is the ability to inflict terrible suffering and bestow greatness onto the world. We are a complex and magical matrix of roots fed with hurt and health, we tend to make mistakes, spread misery and inspire marvelous feels in others. Our range of potential is vast and incredible, sometimes even unbelievable. We hurt and help without ever knowing it, taking actions with uncertain fates and make decisions not knowing where they will take us. Simply put, the common person moves through life without any purpose, they are unprepared and unpredictable. This is normal, this is fine, it is the nature of existence. We like the fae creatures of the wild are enigmatic and spontaneous, sometimes we live in the now and take actions with uncertain outcomes.
Living life to its fullest means practicing mistakes, doing things by the seat of your pants and making a party of it. You and I will do great things, good and bad without ever meaning to. When we live in a world of forgiveness life becomes easier. When the soft droplet of water splashes into the pond, the effects vibrate and impact everything else around it. It is a subtle vibration but its gifts are enormous, our legs are lifted as our weight diminishes and the desire to walk on eggshells is reduced. We can breath and speak, laugh and love, explore and see that life is more than a bore. When we are willing to forgive the world around us, we increase the likelihood we will be forgiven when we stumble and break every glass piece in the store.
This does not account for every kind of person there is, certainly there are more. There are all sorts of human creatures walking this beautiful blue orb. Not all of them are the gems we hope to find in a treasure trove of tremendous times, some of them are bad, brutal and monstrous monsters. They swim through the waters like a hungry shark seeking to eat the souls of wayward spirits. Some of their victims are simply drawn from a hat, selected to be sliced open and served as supper.
These are the worst creatures of the world. They make life a living hell, they take the bad and boil it down until it is nothing more than a hellish frown. The people who lie, cheat, steal and destroy for their own pleasure, often with little gain are truly insane, for it is a simple pleasure, fleeting and false, one they do by climbing over other people’s walls. Once there they slice and stab into a victim’s skin to twist their face into a sadistic grin. These are the monsters who find their way to our lives, who pick and pluck like a buzzards beak, seeking to snip away our ability to see.
What do we do when we meet these monsters and they stomp on our feet? We stand our ground, be rigid and strong and never allow these monsters to spread their message of wrong. It will hurt I know, but this is how these things go. These people who smash and slice and try to eat everything nice will continue to consume until there is nothing new.
We need to stop giving into the monsters, their voice may be maddening and loud but they lack logic, reason and love. They hate the world, or it seems like they do, cause at every turn these humans are hitting and hurting others with their heavy hands.
We must put on our shoes and fix the world like glue, be a nimbus light and make the dark world bright. If we want to make the world a better place we have to spit into evil’s face. Nothing great is born from nothing, it is forged and pressed under great duress. It is not a matter of becoming the best, but instead, it is a quest, a march against madness, a war against the antagonist, a crusade to love life and to live it to its fullest.
Jump into the air and be joyously jolly. Live, love and wear your heart like a glove. Stand with those who lift you high into the sky and dine on life like its a dreamy delight. Be better than before and flourish your beautiful light with all the might of a star. Let no bar barricade you from the gate of your divine destiny. Stand with me and become all you can be, a harmonious human, a happy heart and a silly soul swimming through the sea of destiny.
When storm clouds thunder and rumble, let your bellows blow. Reach into your chest and let your sadness go and perhaps the silly fun times will be begin to flow. Inspire someone’s soul with sun shine smiles. Give great intentions and subtly guide them a mile. Grant sweet spirits, grin ear to ear and glow with gooey goodness as you live with purpose.
Our insides can be sweet and sticky thick, like candy bits inside our spit. They may be empty and oily, perhaps slippery and slick, like a recently born yellow, cute little chick. But in the end, if we treat them right, simply put we wont have to fight. Our emotions will be true and our judgement fair, in our life we will live with little despair.
When we take the time to care, life becomes a great little lair. It is a cozy good place, where sadness has no base and our heart is happy, without any fear. So come with me now, look to the sky and prepare yourself to fly, cause no matter how the storm clouds rumble, we’ll be ready to give, by taking great strides to live our life.
Let go of the dark and dreary. Lighten your load, leave your abode and soothe your scene by setting yourself free. Invigorate your insides with the sight and sounds of the wonderful wilderness. Poke around a few paths, bathe in the shine of the sun and have lots of fun. Find a few skulls, a fancy feather and discover a dreamy day of delight.
Mother nature is brutal and beautiful; she is the life taker and giver; and she loves all her children equally. Every living creature, meteorological phenomenon and catastrophe is a part of nature.
Forgive the events you cannot control and make the best of the ones you can.
Do you believe an alkaline diet or a sodium bicarbonate infusion is an effective way to treat cancer? Are you considering an alkaline diet? Are you doing it because you want to live a healthy life, perhaps to fight and prevent disease? If that is the case then adopting the alkaline diet would be a step in the wrong direction. It does not cure, treat or affect disease in any positive way.
If you’ve read any of the pH Miracle books or are considering adopting an alkaline diet, I strongly suggest researching its inventor.
The Father of the Alkaline Diet, Robert O. Young and author of the “pH Miracle” books claims acid is responsible for all disease and the cure is alkalinization. Preying on the fear and desperation of the terminally ill he made millions of dollars with his diet plans, books and treatments. In 2014 he was charged with conspiring to practice medicine without a license and multiple counts of grand theft. As of 2017 he was found guilty of practicing medicine without a license and was sentenced to over three years in prison.
Taking calcium has no effect on blood acidity. You could pour an entire bottle of calcium pills down your gullet and it would have no effect what-so-ever on your blood acidity. Sure it may neutralize some of the acidity of your stomach, but homeostasis would revert it back within a few minutes.
Robert O Young “treated” seriously ill people with unproven and potentially dangerous procedures without a medical licence. Under his “care” many have paid the price of their life in addition to thousands of dollars for ineffective treatments.
In 2012 Naima Houder-Mohammed paid Young $77,000 for treatment, where he infused sodium bicarbonate (baking soda) into her blood stream. She was treated by him for three months, during which her health worsened until she died. 
When we are desperate we often take great leaps of faith in the pursuit of survival. It is important we are armed with the right information to protect ourselves from charlatans and snake oil salesmen.
If it is too good to be true, it probably is, the alkaline diet and the treatments of Robert O Young is a great example of this. Unfortunately, some believe the alkaline diet is the magical cure for everything. Like any magical cure, its effects are placebo at best. Its a nonsense idea created by the convicted felon Robert O Young. This supposed expert on biology and diet is not a microbiologist, hematologist, medical doctor, naturopathic doctor or trained scientist. In fact he doesn’t have any post high-school degrees what-so-ever.
Many seriously ill people have lost thousands of dollars and their lives due to Young’s pseudo-science treatments. If you are considering a new diet, consult your licensed health care provider and thoroughly research your options before committing to a new lifestyle.
Sometimes we are coated in oil and everything is slippery and sloppy. Our inside zones burn and boil and desperately we seek to soak our souls in the soil. We reach out our hand to hold someone close, but often we are cloistered and closed away.
One day you will shake off that slippery, slick, sloppy sludge and sing a song of silly smiles. You will reach into your inside zones and touch your heart bone. You will no longer toil and desperately seek to soak your soul in the soil, because you will be happy, harmonious and peaceful.
The world can be a dark and dreary place and sometimes it can feel like we are constantly washing the muck off our face. Our lips turn sour becoming an upside down crown as it forms into a frown. Our hopes and dreams fade, we feel lost, sad and sorry. As our soul is saturated with dismay, our nerves begin to fray, so we sit and wait for the end of days.
There comes a time when we tire of the night and we rise. With a beaten and battered soul we muster all our might, attempting to fight the waste of this dark and dreary place. We punch, kick and scream, doing everything mean, but in the end we settle back in our seat, because once again we are beat.
We stand again, this time driving forward, pushing with all our strength, attempting to master the night, to defeat its dreariness and darkness. But, no matter how hard we push, now matter how strong we are, it is stronger. It defeats us because we cannot master the dark snippets of our soul.
Many of us never learn this lesson and we continually flex and force until we collapse under the strength of our own will. Each time we try to become the master, our life becomes a disaster, as we walk waywardly into an unwelcome wilderness. It takes a lot of walking, but eventually we learn we cannot master our emotions, we cannot make our heart zones cease to be. Until we can see how to achieve harmony we will never find the ease we need.
You are an amazing creature filled with so many magical moments and feels. Tend to your heart feels with loving care, find a purpose in their presence and love each for their beautiful uniqueness.
So many live life like its a long day dream, shambling like a zombie, existing without precision or purpose. Wake up! Stop sleeping through life! If you don’t open your eyes, you will rise from your rest just in time to see you missed your chance to shine.
You don’t need to be a zombie, you can be a person of purpose. Someone who fights to live life to its fullest. A person who lives as a legend and leaves behind a legacy!
When it comes to our health and especially neuroendocrine cancer, the best thing we can do is research. Our health care providers may be educated and valuable, but they are not always educated in the ways we value. The NET community has amassed a collection of valuable resources. These hardworking souls have built a framework for the rest of us to survive. In this article I will be sharing many of the resources available to us. Its easy to get lost when we are in the thick of the storm, but we must be vigilant, work hard and press our force of will to become the eye within the whirlwind.
If you have NET cancer you know how hard this journey can be. Ignorance is shoveled into our ears time and again. To make the most of our moments we must muster the energy to purge our lives of this BS. We must overcome the misinformation of unqualified doctors, charlatans and alternative medicine gurus.
What is the value of research? How does it help me?
The more we know, the better off we are. Throughout our lives we’ve been told ignorance is bliss, but you and I know this to be false. Imagine how many lives could be saved if others with this terrible disease knew more about their cancer at the start of this journey? If I had even a fraction of my knowledge when first diagnosed I would have walked a completely different path. I would have understood why a NET specialist was essential, I would’ve been more powerful and demanded excellence from my health care providers. Clearly, I cannot travel back in time to change the events in my life, and even if I could, I wouldn’t. It sounds utterly insane, but getting cancer was the best thing to ever happen to me. Since I was a youngster I have been searching for a purpose, and now I have one. My purpose is to help you avoid the pitfalls in this terrible journey, by casting a light on the many holes to reduce the horrors you must face. If I get to help just one person, then my pain had a purpose, and that gives me peace.
So what role does research have in all of this?
Research has been the eternal flame in my terrible journey. Knowledge is the true guiding light in life. If we want to make the most of our moments, we must have the tools to make it terrific. It can be daunting, learning more about our agony can be incapacitating, but if we don’t face the facts we will never have the life we want to live.
Are you going to teach me how to research?
No, that is beyond the scope of this article. I will leave that to people more qualified than I. However, I will guide you in the direction of collecting the science-based data you deserve. First, we are going to navigate some interesting waters. Once you get passed the perils of pseudoscience and propaganda we can begin delving deeper.
What do I mean by pseudoscience and propaganda? The alternative medicine movement is mostly based on superstition and prescientific ideas. If we want quantifiable and healthy results from the treatment options we select, we must choose the ones proven to be repeatable with the scrutiny of double-blind testing. We must learn how the scientific method functions and apply it to how we interact with our doctors and those who are seeking to make money from our misfortune.
I want you to live the highest quality of life you can, the best way to do that is through the continual pursuit of science-based knowledge.
Cure for Cancer?
Why isn’t there a cure for cancer? I bet Big Pharma has the cure, but they don’t want to share it with us cause there is no money in it!
If a pharmaceutical company was able to develop a single cure for cancer they would be so rich, they would become a world power. The idea of a company having the cure for cancer and not releasing it is ludicrous. Lets start with the most basic point: Cancer is complicated, we need to stop talking about cancer like there could be a single cure for it. There is no one cure for cancer, because there is more than one cancer.
Now lets address this big pharma term. Some time ago I ran across a special little MEME that read:
“a patient cured is a customer lost – Big Pharma”
Critical thought teaches us to acknowledge our bias, to set it aside, to be fair and treat others for their qualities, rather than the actions of people unrelated to them. It is unfair to apply blanket opinions on groups of people. When these blanket opinions are applied they create a stereotype which sets an atmosphere of unfairness.
Each pharmaceutical company is an organization comprised of dozens, hundreds, even thousands of employees. There are dozens of pharmaceutical companies, how fair is it to say these people are concerned only with making money? Not all people are the same, and not all companies are the same.
Instead of making blanket statements about groups of people we don’t know, we need to research each company and judge them individually. Just like people, the ideology of one pharmaceutical company will change, one to the next.
Curing a disease is a lot more complicated than simply waving money at it. However, without money research doesn’t happen. People need money to live, and if they aren’t being paid to do the research, the research isn’t being done. Cancer treatment often hurts a lot, some treatment options can have terrible side effects on the body, so we need to test it over long periods of time to make sure it doesn’t horrifically hurt or kill people before the cancer does. I know it can be frustrating waiting for a cure, we feel hopeless, but if we invite every miracle cure into our lives, we won’t have a life to live.
There are potential cures ready to be shared, why wont they share them with the public? People are dying, some chance is better than no chance right?
No, if every supposed discovery is made available to the public, there wouldn’t be significant advancements in medicine. Lots of resources would be wasted implementing worthless and dangerous measures. Just because an idea is proven to work once in vitro, doesn’t mean in is going to work in real life. The idea needs to tested time and again to make sure it is safe and helps treat the disease or its symptoms.
But some life is better than no life, a terminally ill person is going to die anyways, why deny them an opportunity to live?
To put it simply, quality of life is more important than quantity. What if this untested cancer treatment has the side effect of permanent blindness, deafness, paralysis and chronic pain? Would the trade off be worth living the rest of your life in a horrific prison that is your body?
I don’t think so. Scientific discoveries must be proven to work. This is for our protection. It is not so they can squeeze more money out of the public. Testing their drugs takes even more money, and these pharmaceutical companies have already spent a fortune developing the drug in the first place. They have to pay another fortune to prove it is a benefit to their target population.
Well this drug had an informative video showing it can blow up cancer cells with bubbles. It said it could save lives, we need to be saving lives!
Absolutely, but we can’t save lives by getting people to drink mystery cool aid. Recently I had a conversation with someone about this situation. They read an article about how a treatment could kill cancer in vitro by blowing it up with bubbles. Immediately my mind when to work to see what they were talking about. I found this article at first and read it. I wasn’t satisfied though, I wanted to see if this was real and if so where the research was now. In July of 2017 it was retracted. Imagine if we spent the resources to implement this discovery, only to find out the result could not be replicated? Imagine if your mother, father, son or daughter sought out this treatment and died because it had no effect on their cancer? Willful ignorance and desperation kills people. Testing the efficacy of a drug is how we ensure the best medicine is made available to the public.
- Ronny Allen
- NET Alliance
- Sunny Susan Website
You say you want to network? I say I want to make friends. When I introduce myself to other humans my goal is to give something good. The world can be dark and dreary, I want to help people slice through the cumulonimbus clouds to see the radiant rays of the sun. All it takes is a few wonderful words and we can inspire some incredible heart feels. How do we make bonding a beautiful experience? Relationships are born and explored with intent.
Our goals are saturated with intent
Everything we say and do is saturated with intent. If you want to be an effective communicator you must get to know who you are. Why are you here? What do you want and who are you? Ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly. Every time you meet someone new they will be asking them too.
Intent is the infrastructure of networking. If the focus is on friendship the bonding will begin, however, if it is superficial it will stagnate.
What is the best way to break the ice?
If you want loving and long lasting relationships, give good for goodness sake, and give it liberally. When we live to give greatness, introducing yourself becomes the best ice breaker.
Finding, Building & Maintaining relationships with Intent
An important lesson I have learned is how to live with an awareness of my intent. When I’m feeling or thinking about doing something I contemplate why I want to do it. Why do I want to help this person, why am I attracted to this lady, how do I feel about this or that? The why behind an idea is often more important than the verb of doing it. The genuine intent of goodwill is a peaceful experience. With it we can be satisfied with the outcome of all our social engagements because we have erased our expectations. We are ready to exist in the moment and enjoy it while it’s here.
Relationships are easier because I’ve completed myself. I’m not searching for someone else to draw the rest of my circle, because I’m already a whole person. When friends and loved ones die it’s easier to cope because I consciously make the most of our moments. I cherish their life as we live it together and remember the terrific times we experienced as we shared the road.
My awareness is one of my greatest tools. By knowing my intent is good and honest I can make the best decisions in the now and avoid the pitfall of regret. I have the Hope others live with the intent of mutually beneficial relationships, while having the wisdom to know they might not. At the end of the day whether they do or don’t share the same awareness I do, I am always willing to forgive a hurting soul.
Passion, lust, love and an ulterior motive
Sometimes when speaking to others I hear a lot about passion, lust, love and ulterior motives. I know what it’s like to live in fear of what others might do. It’s a painful lens that blinds us from experiencing the world in all its wonder. On the flip side of that coin it can feel horrible when we can’t share our feels. The scrutiny of others often damns the flow of our feelings with a large levy. This barrier can be torturous to the soul as our inside zones burn brilliantly and our feel-good fuel source rapidly diminishes.
It took me some time, but when the moment arrived I learned it is alright to live with passion, to lust for another, to love, even if they don’t love me, and to possess the desire to be desired.
The world is a magnificent place and our heart is a fiery furnace. When we discover that thing, that purpose, that person who captures our attention the universe imbues us with powerful passion. There is nothing that can stop the fanning of our furious flame, extinguish our eternal heart or take us apart.
Our passion is more than a singular purpose, it is a dedication to something we love. It is a complete commitment and we wear it like a glove. Passion is supposed to be healthy, good and great, its meant to be even, clear and purposeful.
Sometimes it isn’t. Perhaps most times it lacks direction and it steers off the map to a place that is not healthy, good or great and is uneven, murky and misguided. It is in these times we must look deeper to discover our true intent.
A person’s passion can be beautiful, but only when that passion wants to share. Every book of love is a compilation of letters, a shared story and a narrative coauthored by those involved.
With an empty stomach we hunger to satiate our appetite. The need to eat, the exquisite energy of anticipation and the desire for delicious delights can feel magnificent. Our longing moments of lust are no different and are equally healthy when fed with a well-balanced, nutritious diet. Its healthy to have a sexual appetite for another, it would be hard for people to fall in love if life existed without lust.
Lust like passion has unhealthy and dangerously winding roads. Sometimes taking people to places they shouldn’t go. Lust has an ebb and flow and cannot be the basis for how we should expect things to always go. It is the cream on a cake, something sugary to taste, but to live with lust without love is a slippery slope into loneliness.
A warm blanket that warms us from surface to center. A compass that guides us when we are lost. The crutch we lean on when we are weak. Love is the greatest and most wonderful place to live.
Whether we accept it or not we all want to love and be loved. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find a person who wants to live in the same zip code of love we do. When this happens it’s important to look at the roots of why we want to be with them. If we love this person solely for our own benefit, perhaps we don’t love them at all and maybe we aren’t mature enough to be in their zip code of love. When we love someone, we should want to see them happy, even if their happiness doesn’t include us.
What exactly is ulterior motive and what does it mean? Why am I so concerned about what others want to do with me?
An ulterior motive is when we believe someone has a hidden reason for what they are doing. Focusing inwardly and feeling for that gut vibe is valuable in determining whether a person is safe. It is also important to evaluate your bias and forgive the wrongs of the person before they have committed them. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is akin to forgiving them for something you can’t prove is true. Bias is a valuable tool, we use it to decide what we are going to eat and which alley ways we are willing to walk down. We all have it, however if we want to live a life with good intent we must critically analyze our bias to determine whether it is fair and just.
So, when someone is attracted to us, does mean their only intent is to have sex? By and large I would say no. Relationships are so complicated and involved it would be a challenge to boil it down to a singular intent. Sure, most likely they would enjoy having sex with us, but that is just one component of the many beneficial aspects of companionship. I am not a psychologist or an expert in the field of human pair bonding, but I would make an educated guess by saying they want to live an adventurous life with a companion they are attracted to.
For the most part I believe our focus on the ulterior motives of others are fruitless endeavors. These thoughts lead us down a spiraling staircase into an abyss of loneliness. Simply put we create fantastical stories about others, casting them in a negative light. Instead of drawing unfair conclusions from nothing, we should be celebrating the bountiful beauty of life by exploring our humanity with others.
Finding a new doctor is like dating. We get to know who they are, what they believe and how they approach life. We want to make sure we are compatible and can spend a large chunk of our lives together. This doesn’t mean we are crossing professional boundaries, quite the opposite, this approach enables us to look deeper into who they are as a practitioner by learning about their professional accomplishments. While in their office we must believe they are listening to us, that we are safe under their care and they know enough to help. We need to make sure they are the best person for the job. Just like dating, we want to pair with this person for a long time, perhaps even the rest of our life, so it is important to make sure this doctor is the right choice.
How do I know if I have the right doctor for me? You must get to know yourself and discover what is important to you. You must set and enforce personal boundaries and become an unstoppable force.
I think I can take some time to get to know myself, but I’m not good with personal boundaries and I don’t think I could ever be an unstoppable force. How can I do this? Where do I even start? You start right now and every moment thereafter. Force of will is a tempered tool folded and pounded to perfection. Every day we have opportunities to become the better version of ourselves, seize those moments and move forward.
There was a time in my life when I was shy, I had a hard time talking or standing up to others. If I had to walk my NET cancer journey when I was shy, this would have been impossible. But don’t fret, just because you are shy now, doesn’t mean you will always be.
Shyness and Social Anxiety
Shyness, it sucks. That’s how I would describe it in three words. People are often surprised when I tell them I used to be very shy. Sometimes they ask how I overcame it. Well here is the first step of my fancy story.
In my mid-twenties, just after my mother had passed I was at a local dinner sitting with a couple friends waiting for our food. A few booths over was a group of young ladies, one in particular caught my eye, I was entranced by her beauty and I wanted to meet her. Unfortunately, I was frozen in fear and glued to my seat. “What is going on?” I thought to myself. I couldn’t muster a reason why I felt this, why I was so afraid? If she was so intimidating why would I be attracted to her?
After several moments of being teased by my friends for not approaching her, I rose from my seat and walked to her table. My hands were shaking, and my heart was pounding in my chest. When I opened my mouth to speak, all my charm fled, and I found myself completely unable to articulate my words. I stood there at the end of the table for several moments, I could feel their judgement piercing my soul. In a burst of what little confidence I had, I tried to introduce myself to her, a moment passed, and they were all quiet so I walked back to my seat.
I could hear them talking about me, describing how my hands were shaking, and how weird I seemed. As I sat there eating my meal, I reflected over the moment, and I came to the conclusion that I must have appeared completely insane.
At first, I saw this as a failure, but then I realized it was a success. I was unable to bridge my introduction into a conversation, but I was able to overcome the fear of talking to her. I set out to do something, and I did it. It was from this I was able to build my confidence. I spent some time thinking about how I could eliminate my social anxiety, and over several years of pushing myself I was able to become the social butterfly I am today.
Overcoming anything requires force of will, but we are simply unable to eliminate our hardships in one fell swoop. We must dedicate ourselves to a purpose and stick to it. My social anxiety didn’t disappear in this moment. I had to work on it daily. One of the first methods I used to fight my shyness was to smile and say hello to every person I saw. When they didn’t smile back or say hello, I copped by saying to myself they were the ones missing out.
If you are a person like myself who loves people and wants to have as many great friendships as you can, then challenge yourself, talk to others. Eventually you will realize there is nothing to fear. Most likely the person you want to talk to was wants to speak to you as well.
How does this help me with talking to my doctor and learning if they are right for me? In the beginning it may be difficult to directly talk to your doctor, but each time you stand your ground the better your footing becomes. Talking to a stranger can be daunting and by all accounts your doctor is a stranger. To complicate matters more we tend to deify their standing leading to a vast power differential. If you start making small changes in your life, these baby steps will improve your force of will and the effectiveness of your medical care. Be strong, know you’re amazing and make the most of your moments.
We have a lot of moving parts in our lives and the complicated nature of it can be dizzying. It sometimes feels like we are walking over a pit of fire on an oiled tightrope. Our journey can be terrifying, painful and horrific, but it is also beautiful, magnificent and magical.
I have faith you will cross this terrible tightrope and be triumphant.
I don’t know what it feels like to be you, but I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed by life, underwhelmed by love and lost to my own impulsiveness. Its like getting caught in a cold rain with no shelter in sight. Know the rain will pass, and your skin will warm. You will see the value of the storm and there will be a time when the rain droplets of now, give birth to beautiful flowers of the future.
When the world is terrible, and it seems, there is no end in sight I do my best to write. I start with sorrow and sadness and penetrating strain. Then I search inwardly to find a purpose to the pain. Once I see the clue I move on to what I must do. I take the bitter and the bad and everything sad, pouring and mixing it into a bowl I make a batter that will soothe the soul.
After its baked I take a taste and help others learn we have no time to waste. No matter how bad we feel there is always a time to playfully squeal. Every bad is a blessing, every laugh a gift, and in the end that is the best tip.
As you swim in the splashing sea you may feel the fish nibble at your feet. It is scary and may leave you weary, but you must force yourself forward. Push hard when it feels like you're flopping and floating, but know each stroke brings you closer to the coast.
I encourage you to keep Hope in your periscope and never be discouraged. See passed the stillness of the sea and the distance to the sandy shore. Know you are closer than ever before. There will come a time in the distant now when the might of your movement will take you to that perfect place, that incredible island, the sanctuary of your soul.
It can be hard to love life, especially when we are feeling pain. We fight and scream, kick and punch, battling to hold it at bay. The agony can make us angry, sad and afraid, and that’s OK. The feels you feel are the right ones to feel. Be angry, sad and afraid. But, know there is light at the end of the road. When the sun rises and lights up the land, it will warm our skin and show us a new day is about to begin.