You say you want to network? I say I want to make friends. When I introduce myself to other humans my goal is to give something good. The world can be dark and dreary, I want to help people slice through the cumulonimbus clouds to see the radiant rays of the sun. All it takes is a few wonderful words and we can inspire some incredible heart feels. How do we make bonding a beautiful experience? Relationships are born and explored with intent.
Our goals are saturated with intent
Everything we say and do is saturated with intent. If you want to be an effective communicator you must get to know who you are. Why are you here? What do you want and who are you? Ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly. Every time you meet someone new they will be asking them too.
Intent is the infrastructure of networking. If the focus is on friendship the bonding will begin, however, if it is superficial it will stagnate.
What is the best way to break the ice?
If you want loving and long lasting relationships, give good for goodness sake, and give it liberally. When we live to give greatness, introducing yourself becomes the best ice breaker.
Finding, Building & Maintaining relationships with Intent
An important lesson I have learned is how to live with an awareness of my intent. When I’m feeling or thinking about doing something I contemplate why I want to do it. Why do I want to help this person, why am I attracted to this lady, how do I feel about this or that? The why behind an idea is often more important than the verb of doing it. The genuine intent of goodwill is a peaceful experience. With it we can be satisfied with the outcome of all our social engagements because we have erased our expectations. We are ready to exist in the moment and enjoy it while it’s here.
Relationships are easier because I’ve completed myself. I’m not searching for someone else to draw the rest of my circle, because I’m already a whole person. When friends and loved ones die it’s easier to cope because I consciously make the most of our moments. I cherish their life as we live it together and remember the terrific times we experienced as we shared the road.
My awareness is one of my greatest tools. By knowing my intent is good and honest I can make the best decisions in the now and avoid the pitfall of regret. I have the Hope others live with the intent of mutually beneficial relationships, while having the wisdom to know they might not. At the end of the day whether they do or don’t share the same awareness I do, I am always willing to forgive a hurting soul.
Passion, lust, love and an ulterior motive
Sometimes when speaking to others I hear a lot about passion, lust, love and ulterior motives. I know what it’s like to live in fear of what others might do. It’s a painful lens that blinds us from experiencing the world in all its wonder. On the flip side of that coin it can feel horrible when we can’t share our feels. The scrutiny of others often damns the flow of our feelings with a large levy. This barrier can be torturous to the soul as our inside zones burn brilliantly and our feel-good fuel source rapidly diminishes.
It took me some time, but when the moment arrived I learned it is alright to live with passion, to lust for another, to love, even if they don’t love me, and to possess the desire to be desired.
The world is a magnificent place and our heart is a fiery furnace. When we discover that thing, that purpose, that person who captures our attention the universe imbues us with powerful passion. There is nothing that can stop the fanning of our furious flame, extinguish our eternal heart or take us apart.
Our passion is more than a singular purpose, it is a dedication to something we love. It is a complete commitment and we wear it like a glove. Passion is supposed to be healthy, good and great, its meant to be even, clear and purposeful.
Sometimes it isn’t. Perhaps most times it lacks direction and it steers off the map to a place that is not healthy, good or great and is uneven, murky and misguided. It is in these times we must look deeper to discover our true intent.
A person’s passion can be beautiful, but only when that passion wants to share. Every book of love is a compilation of letters, a shared story and a narrative coauthored by those involved.
With an empty stomach we hunger to satiate our appetite. The need to eat, the exquisite energy of anticipation and the desire for delicious delights can feel magnificent. Our longing moments of lust are no different and are equally healthy when fed with a well-balanced, nutritious diet. Its healthy to have a sexual appetite for another, it would be hard for people to fall in love if life existed without lust.
Lust like passion has unhealthy and dangerously winding roads. Sometimes taking people to places they shouldn’t go. Lust has an ebb and flow and cannot be the basis for how we should expect things to always go. It is the cream on a cake, something sugary to taste, but to live with lust without love is a slippery slope into loneliness.
A warm blanket that warms us from surface to center. A compass that guides us when we are lost. The crutch we lean on when we are weak. Love is the greatest and most wonderful place to live.
Whether we accept it or not we all want to love and be loved. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find a person who wants to live in the same zip code of love we do. When this happens it’s important to look at the roots of why we want to be with them. If we love this person solely for our own benefit, perhaps we don’t love them at all and maybe we aren’t mature enough to be in their zip code of love. When we love someone, we should want to see them happy, even if their happiness doesn’t include us.
What exactly is ulterior motive and what does it mean? Why am I so concerned about what others want to do with me?
An ulterior motive is when we believe someone has a hidden reason for what they are doing. Focusing inwardly and feeling for that gut vibe is valuable in determining whether a person is safe. It is also important to evaluate your bias and forgive the wrongs of the person before they have committed them. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is akin to forgiving them for something you can’t prove is true. Bias is a valuable tool, we use it to decide what we are going to eat and which alley ways we are willing to walk down. We all have it, however if we want to live a life with good intent we must critically analyze our bias to determine whether it is fair and just.
So, when someone is attracted to us, does mean their only intent is to have sex? By and large I would say no. Relationships are so complicated and involved it would be a challenge to boil it down to a singular intent. Sure, most likely they would enjoy having sex with us, but that is just one component of the many beneficial aspects of companionship. I am not a psychologist or an expert in the field of human pair bonding, but I would make an educated guess by saying they want to live an adventurous life with a companion they are attracted to.
For the most part I believe our focus on the ulterior motives of others are fruitless endeavors. These thoughts lead us down a spiraling staircase into an abyss of loneliness. Simply put we create fantastical stories about others, casting them in a negative light. Instead of drawing unfair conclusions from nothing, we should be celebrating the bountiful beauty of life by exploring our humanity with others.
Shawn White Blog
Relationships – Boundaries