It’s a water day. On weekends when I feel ill. The water helps calm me. Like a massage against my skin, a warmth to my muscles. It makes me want to sleep away the last few hours before the sun rises. To wake and return to life refreshed. That is the life, one where I feel blessed.
February 15, 2017
Today is the friendly day of February 15, 2017 and the world is a wonderful place. Last night I negotiated a good night rest and awoke refreshed, ready to live.
As I laid in the darkness with my lovely, beautiful lady asleep next to me, I felt myself overwhelmed by the numbness of my body. I desperately wanted to feel again, I was afraid that the neuropathy was only going to get worse and that I’d be without sensation for the rest of my life.
Then there was a defining moment, a second when I decided that I would feel again. Returning to the techniques I used while going through chemotherapy, I imagined what it felt like before these new sensations. I brought my hands to touch my flesh, and before my skin made contact I imagined how it used to feel. Then I slid my finger tip across my flesh, the old memory became the new memory. It was at this moment that I said: “I am choosing to make my old memory the new memories. I am reprogramming my experience of NOW, with the experiences of BEFORE.”
Yet as I was experimenting with old techniques I realized I needed to fall asleep. The act had been difficult for some time now. I attempted my regular meditations of taking a bath or reading, but this time I tried something different. As I laid there I imagined cute creatures like kittens, puppies and other baby animals doing funny things. I thought about how soft they were, how adorable they were. Every thought became an experience, every moment was filled with an all encompassing cuteness. I accessed memory after memory until my heart and mind were settled and I fell asleep.
I slept beautifully and awoke refreshed.
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