In this journey our world slowly shifts, filled with little changes that often go unnoticed. These little changes are like droplets of water, and over time they flood our lives. When my cancer journey began, these subtle changes took the form of research, fear and preparation. After the surgery, it was discovered that my cancerous monster was still with me. As I recovered from the cuts, bruises and drugs the droplets became heavier and fell faster. Once chemotherapy started the water became a continuous stream. My entire life was flooded with this new change, this new passenger, this monster started as something small but ended up saturating everything that I knew. Every conversation, every moment, every activity was soaked with the wetness of my cancer. There was no escaping the unyielding, ever forceful presence of its existence. Once I had a moment to look around and see my life, once that dreaded chemo fog had started to pull away I could see that my entire life had been destroyed. Everything had been taken away, my dreams, my loves, my passions.
The cancer, the journey of cancer is insane. I have searched my mind for a word that adequately describes the experience and I have found no word that matches it more accurately. None of it ever makes any sense, there is no rhyme or reason to it. It follows no code, no ideology and serves no greater purpose.
Though the cancer itself is a terrible thing, it isn’t all terrible. There is that chance, that hidden opportunity to take something good from this experience. Ask yourself what is life, and why are you here to live it? If you don’t believe in a cosmic reason for your existence, then decide one for yourself. You are more than your cancer, you are more than the sum of your pain. You are more than the ever-filling pool of cancer in your life!
In your moments of strength and clarity claim back your life, be the subtle changes to cancer, as cancer was to you. Be the small droplet that goes unnoticed till it becomes a heavy rain, then finally a steady stream. Become the unstoppable force, become your greatest advocate and reclaim your life, the life that is rightfully yours.