Miserable is a word I would use to define how I felt when I wrote this poem. I believe it’s equally important to explore the miserable moments just as much as you enjoy the pleasant ones.
My whole body feels like a glove numb and removed from reality Its hard to breathe Its hard to hear This cancer has taken away everything I have given up so much to it Simply too much to count I hurt and ache and struggle to do the things I want I hate this experience I am terribly miserable I do everything in my power to make this bearable I use all the tricks I can I am more positive than I thought was humanly possible I feel like a sliver of energy surrounded by a mass of meat. Dead and dying meat The cancer has taken everything from me My hopes, my dreams, my pleasures I know nothing but pain, every moment is a struggle Every moment I fight for survival I fight every moment to prove I am more than my cancer, but it permeates every facet of my being. It has been so long since I've been healthy that I dont know anything else Sometimes I question my existence. I begin to doubt the cancer, the chemo, the surgery I begin to wonder if there was a starting point Perhaps I have always been in this place Every moment I know is a challenge Every moment is filled with pain There is nothing to prove there is a past or a future I only exist in the now and right now, all I know is pain.