Late at night I seem to experience the neuropathy the most. Its also the time when I am alone the most. The two are a terrible cocktail. Last night I had some troubling thoughts as I pondered how much I could tolerate. Pain and agony is one thing, but when your body loses its ability to feel is another. There is so much pleasure in the world, so many wonderful experiences derived from the sensation of touch.
These late nights are times for me. When the sun goes down and my insomnia kicks in my mind begins to focus. Sometimes my mind focuses too much. I have a feeling that my thoughts are magnifying my stress, and that my stress is intensifying my neuropathy.
The idea of time traveling through cancer might seem silly, but its the best way to create change. I would like to see this change end with the outcome of personal advocacy.
I wish I had someone in my life who was a true motivation. Someone who could have been my health advocate, someone who could have helped me avoid all of the pitfalls I faced. I could wish I was the only one who would ever face these pitfalls.
Those wishes ultimately amount to nothing. They lead to regret, a feeling that celebrates inaction, leading us to say “I wish this and I wish that.”
Truly at the end of the day I should have been my own motivation, my own advocate.
Throughout my life I’ve been able to avoid buyers remorse through my proactive prevention of regret. My cancer journey has been more powerful than most of my philosophies, I hope that I can hold onto my drive and purpose, and retain the significance I see within my gift of cancer.
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I have chosen to become my own inspiration, I hope to inspire you to be your own as well. If you would like to follow me on my quest for advocacy click here.