A New Universe of Cancer is about growth. We have to see a problem before we can question it. After we have asked the right questions we can discover an answer and grow from it.
So what then is the problem? The problem is that I am afraid. Why am I afraid? I’m afraid because my tolerance level is constantly being exceeded.
Where did those questions come from and how did I find the answers? In math I’ve heard that teachers want to see their student’s work to see how they discovered their answer. My teachers never really cared. I once had a class where I did the work for every question, got every single one wrong and the teacher never said a thing.
In life though, knowing how you came to a conclusion can be just as important as the answer itself. Evil often manifests when the Ends justify the Means. Growth and Personal development is lost when we fail to observe our tracks. We need to plan our steps so we can control where we end; and look back to know where we began.
You and I don’t need someone to tell us if we are right or wrong. We have to wait to see the results to determine the outcome based on our growth. The class I had with the negligent teacher may have impaired my ability to learn, but it doesn’t impair my quest for personal advocacy.
Fear – A New Universe of Cancer helped me express what I was feeling. It also helped me boil down the contents of my life into its components. It was then that I discovered what was hurting me the most. Fear is the culprit, it was tearing me apart.
I looked back at some of my old posts. One of the valuable parts of this blog is that it helps me document my personal exploration. Within this documentation I discovered a theory I had about constant pain.
“The discomfort I feel on a daily basis helps me maintain my focus for change. The stress I experience from these sensations can be positive but I foresee a problem. My daily scare could lead down two possible negative paths.
- The first is it becomes normal and so my tolerance level is increased.
- The second is that it puts me in a constant state of fear.” Shawn White 2/3/2017 Suffocation – A New Universe of Cancer
I am in a constant state of fear, chasing my own tail in a never ending cycle. My state of fear started once the neuropathy took a foothold in my life. Since then I have been trying to find a way to overcome it. Its not necessarily the neuropathy that I want to overcome though, its the fear of it, which then became the fear of the fear. I have been trying to find a way to stop my fear of fear, but I have failed at every turn.
I have learned to succumb to pain, nausea and all sorts of anger, but I have not found a way to succumb to fear. Everyone, especially my father likes to say that anger will eat you up like cancer, but for me it has been fear. Not of him or anyone else, but of not being able to live life the way I want to live it.
If you would like to continue the journey through a New Universe of Cancer feel free to click this link.