Regret is one of the seven negative roots of the Tree of Life. If I were sum up the experience with one word I’d describe it as terrible. Nothing compares to the anguish of Regret, nothing. Regret can be summed up with the sentence: “I wish I could go back in time and do it differently.”
We can’t go back, nothing can be changed. I want to tell you to stop thinking about it, but that doesn’t work. We could use mind over matter as a method but that doesn’t work either. In my experience there are only two methods: a proactive prevention of regret, and by succumbing to it.
The philosophy I call a Proactive Prevention of Regret is to make decisions so you don’t experience it. This works until it doesn’t, as is the rule with anything.
The other method is to succumb to the experience. Things happen and it may be terrible, I’m not saying get over it, instead explore what happened and learn from it. Maybe discover how to prevent it from happening again.
In my journey I don’t regret anything.
There were moments when I did. A time when the stress and pain stole me away and I began regretting chemotherapy. I convinced myself that it transformed me into another person.
In some ways I was right, but it wasn’t the chemotherapy that was doing it. It was a cocktail of all sorts of negative roots that were feeding into my Tree of Life. I was overwhelmed and there was nothing I thought I could do.
I crumbed under the weight of my own stress…
…and because of who I’d become my levy could no longer stand against the rising waters, and the flood destroyed my village. All of this was my fault, I made this happen.
Once the village was destroyed I tried to commit suicide, but I want you to know that the suicide wasn’t a result of the levy falling. It was going to happen no matter, I caused that to happen, I know that now. I am sorry that my actions hurt the people I love. Its hurts my heart zone to know that some may never forgive me for that. I hope that one day those love spots will heal.
My feelings aren’t of regret, rather love. I have transformed my roots of regret into the roots of harmony. My insides may hurt knowing that I hurt those I love, but I’d rather help them overcome those pains, than to wish them away.