In the middle of the night I called one of my closet friends. A true friend, one I consider a brother. My friend drove me to the hospital, quickly we got a room and my pain inched forward in intensity. At its peak I was crying, clutching my chest and losing awareness of anything other than the agony.
I had no fear, I knew only pain. All my energy focused to meditate, succumb and manage the pain. It so was incredible, a pain equal to the greatest pain I’d ever felt.
With each slight breath, my world was hammered with impossible pain. Every single breath was the worst imaginable. I gasped for air, moments I tried to hold my breath to find a reprieve, but a deep breath followed and my hell increased to something beyond imagination. Pressing my hand into my pec muscles I tried to massage near the pain, perhaps interrupt its signal, as much as I tried, it did nothing, the pain was deep, under my ribs, around my lungs.
It was intense, so terrible, but I can only imagine my friend’s horror, watching hopelessly as I writhed in agony. The torture of wanting to do anything, but knowing he could do nothing.
Another friend visited, fed me some biscuits and gravy and drove me home. We had a heart to heart, one with love and hope.
After getting home I discovered shut eye. When my eyes closed, nightmares snuck into the darkness of my eyes, hunted my heart and captured my soul. Some terrors were of the hospital, the island of my ex, and horrors in between. The dreams were full of screams, fear and pain, cries and pleas.
I woke to a softened lung pain, a light scream. As the specters of my sleep slipped away I discovered a path. One that led me to a door, as I opened it, it transformed how I see myself. Finally I see the good things in myself that I’ve always searched for in others. My heart parts are gooey, glowing with golden light of love, peace and harmony. A place where even the dark parts are lit with the divine light of heavenly energy.