Harmony – Tree of Life


Harmony is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. It’s the act of accepting, succumbing and overcoming the past. Harmony is an experience unlike any other. It’s an abstract sensation, one of calm, of ease, of tranquility. Those who feed the roots harmony aren’t beyond the range of human emotion. Rather they aren’t haunted by it like others may be.

Living without regret is not the same as living with harmony. My proactive prevention of regret has never led to the state of peace I feel today. Instead that philosophy kept my insides from catching fire.

I regret nothing

Everything that happened has been a stepping stone to where I am now. I’ve spoken of the hardships and pain associated with being a stepping stone for someone else. Though it may have hurt, it had to happen. Some were blessings, so amazing it was an honor endure such anguish.

I’ve been in relationships with horrific and delightful partners, good and bad pairings. Though heart break permeates them all, I regret none. Even more so, I love them for what they were.

There is something to be gained from everything. If you can gleam love, a lesson or perhaps some lore it had significance.

I love everyone

It’s true, I do love everyone. It doesn’t matter if you hurt me, we never met or you’re a friend. It was a recent milestone that I discovered this, when your mile stone finds you… you will be awestruck by it.

My milestone was being cool with my brother, and letting go of the past with both he and my father.


Regret – Tree of Life


Forgiveness – Tree of Life

Forgiveness is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. When we feed these roots,  a weight lifts from our chest and the world becomes easier to breath. Forgiveness soothes the angry bees in our belly, takes away the lightning behind our eyes.

The act of feeding positive energy into this root is more than just saying: “I forgive you.” You have to actually deal with the issues fueling the guilt. Face down the baggage you’ve been carrying and work through the puzzles. Life is filled with all sorts of games, its a matter of solving them and learning something along the way. The guilt we feel has a value, before we can allow forgiveness to take hold we have to understand the significance of the guilt.

Ignoring your responsibility is not the same as forgiveness. Negligence is an inherent flaw of negative energy. To refuse your responsibility is denial, a negative root of the Tree of Life.

There are moments when guilt can be healthy. If we have a relationship with this root, then we wont allow it to grow longer than it needs to be. Hold onto it long enough to keep us healthy and remain accountable for our actions.

Guilt – Tree of Life



Accountability – Tree of Life

Accountability is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. This root may sometimes invite pressure and stress, but if these levels remain healthy we are embracing positive elements. Often we find acceptance before we become accountable, but this is not always the case. An example of accountability may be described with: “I respect you, I respect myself, I fulfill my obligations.”

Accountability is a root that is built over time.

We can transform a part of our root structure into accountability, but this “instant” transformation isn’t so instantaneous. It takes times and effort, actions that repeat over and over like a snow ball rolling across the ground. If the snow ball stops rolling its stops growing. We have to keep things rolling if we want to grow the roots of acceptance.

This root is built from our social contracts. These agreements are established between at least two people. They are informal (spoken or otherwise) contracts that define a relationship. The more we honor and obey these social contracts the stronger our accountability becomes. Following the social contracts is not enough though. If you feel shame when not honoring the contract then you have wrapped yourself up in arrangements you’re currently not healthy enough to honor. Unless you can quickly develop coping skills these relationships will fail.

Recently I had the opportunity to share and receive wisdom from another soul surfing the seas of sorrow. It was from them I gained an insightful look into shame and how it affects us. I learned that its presence is magnified the smaller our communities become. That our actions reverberate with stronger force because there is no anonymity.

I spent a bit of time contemplating this thought and I discovered there were two roots that exist within these communities. The first was shame, the second was accountability. In the instances that we feel crippled by the opinions of others we are embracing the negative roots of the Tree of Life. This causes us to water our soil with the stress water from our Tolerance Barrel.

When we are motivated to do what we feel is right and good and take care of our fellow man, we embrace the positive. Participating in activities that promote the community and maintain order that falls within the realm of accountability. Acting responsibly is a positive quality.


Shame – Reflections


Wisdom – Tree of Life

Wisdom is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. It’s the ability to see the world without illusion or delusion. To realistically interpret and understand who you are and your surroundings.  A comprehension that starts from the inside parts of our mind and stretches to the outside zones of our body. It can be described with the sentence: “My body is this, I believe this, I am this person, I decide who I am.”

Wisdom finds us when we embrace who we are. Accept the realities of our existence and transcend them. It tells us that we can become whoever we want to be and we are not defined by the opinions of others.

When we accept the root of wisdom we decide to no longer feed the negative root of false perception. It is the moment when your identity is decided by you and no one else.


False Perception – Reflections


Crying Pain – Reflections


Crying Pain

In the middle of the night I called one of my closet friends. A true friend, one I consider a brother. My friend drove me to the hospital, quickly we got a room and my pain inched forward in intensity. At its peak I was crying, clutching my chest and losing awareness of anything other than the agony.

I had no fear, I knew only pain.  All my energy focused to meditate, succumb and manage the pain. It so was incredible, a pain equal to the greatest pain I’d ever felt.

With each slight breath, my world was hammered with impossible pain. Every single breath was the worst imaginable. I gasped for air, moments I tried to hold my breath to find a reprieve, but a deep breath followed and my hell increased to something beyond imagination. Pressing my hand into my pec muscles I tried to massage near the pain, perhaps interrupt its signal, as much as I tried, it did nothing, the pain was deep, under my ribs, around my lungs.

It was intense, so terrible, but I can only imagine my friend’s horror, watching hopelessly as I writhed in agony. The torture of wanting to do anything, but knowing he could do nothing.

Another friend visited, fed me some biscuits and gravy and drove me home. We had a heart to heart, one with love and hope.

After getting home I discovered shut eye. When my eyes closed, nightmares snuck into the darkness of my eyes, hunted my heart and captured my soul. Some terrors were of the hospital, the island of my ex, and horrors in between. The dreams were full of screams, fear and pain, cries and pleas.

I woke to a softened lung pain, a light scream. As the specters of my sleep slipped away I discovered a path. One that led me to a door, as I opened it, it transformed how I see myself. Finally I see the good things in myself that I’ve always searched for in others. My heart parts are gooey, glowing with golden light of love, peace and harmony. A place where even the dark parts are lit with the divine light of heavenly energy. 


Harmony – Tree of Life

Never-ending Journey – Relfections

Never-ending Journey

Never-ending Journey

In a world of regret, of sadness and shame we are prone to experiencing a myriad of pain before we find our way. Each way is a road leading to another path of pain. It is a never-ending journey, but with each step we discover more about how to be, how to live, how to exist.

I am not the master of anything, or a jack of all, I am just a person looking inward and trying to express himself outward. I love you, even though we may have never met, I love you and you are loved. If I don’t like you, or you don’t like me, I still love you. Perhaps we crossed each other, I wronged you or you wronged me, no matter I still love you.

We all do things that we might not be proud of, we all have emotions and we express them. No matter what we may believe we are never the master of our own emotions. Eventually they will escape from their crate and run amuck.

It is a matter of knowing which emotions we want to let free, which we need to take for a walk and which we need to leave in a crate. The “bad” ones need to be crate trained, fed a certain kind of diet, but ultimately, loved the same as any other.

Life is love, perhaps not beyond the boundaries of the world I know, but beyond what I know, I cannot know.

We cannot be in each other’s vulnerable moments, but at these times, search for love, search for goodness. Accept nothing less than those who will love us unconditionally. Who will accept us for who we are because they love everything about us.

We may at times feel powerful, but when we desire to have power over another, we are focused on the “me” instead of the we. We are love, we are life, we are the journey.


Equal and Peaceful – Poem

Emotional Land Mine

Emotional Land Mine – Reflections

Emotional Land Mine

Emotional Land Mine

Recently I’ve taken a few moments to reflect on the events of my life. There is so much I’ve forgotten. At certain instances its feels like I stepped on an emotional land mine and was blown to pieces.

Somehow like a ghost I’ve been able to collect many of those parts and reassemble my spirit. The idea reminds me of Dracula from the Castlevania series. With that said the mind is a beautiful machine. Its able to cope and navigate through life. When we neglect it though shit really hits the fan and everything is covered in a layer of unfortunate crap.

The somehow part is a bit misleading, I actually used social media resources to stitch back the events of those days. There were all sorts of crazy and stupid shit that I said during that time, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings during those moments, but I don’t regret my actions. They had to happen, if they didn’t I wouldn’t have had the fuel to attempt suicide, or commit myself to a mental health facility.

I am a firm believer that change happens every second. If we want to have an influence over our lives we have to know who we want to be. To do that we have to know who we are, unfortunately we only know who we were moments ago. With enough introspection we can establish a pretty good framework, a blue print to understand how we work.

Once we have this framework established we can reach for the stars.

We can decide who it is we want to be and the kind of people we desire to surround ourselves with. In the coming week or so I will be releasing my philosophy on the Tree of Life, the Tolerance Barrel and the Spectrum. In it I will go into great detail about our dreams, adventures and plans. I will discuss our lives and how positive and negative energy plays into our role in life and how art is the catalyst to true change.

I hope to provide a sketch of how I see the world, so that perhaps you may begin drawing out your own. No system is perfect, each requires adaptations or unique systems to match the needs of everyone, one person at a time.


Memories – Reflections