I volunteer to live
You want me to do something
You want me to do something
That something isn’t fair
I’m not the instrument of your destruction
The implement of despair
You gave me something
A gift you wanted me to share
It was a broken piece of glass
A little piece of a bowl
When you look at it closer
It’s a window to the soul
A little shard of intimacy
The knot between you and another
Words and parts,
People and places
Events and things
All sorts of feel-ings
You wanted me to cut them
A slash that would wound me too
That broken piece of glass
So calculating, so sharp
Your desires, your dreams
What do they even mean
Why would you do this
Is your heart that a miss
So black and dreary
Full of so much pain
Why do you want to take so much…
from my vein?
You set me to flame
Truly tell me,
What in the world do you have to gain?
I am Strong
Thank You Tony Strutynski
Tony, a man I’ve given many names, shared many moments and many conversations with. He has been my friend at my best moments and my worst. As he walks candy coated love explodes from his chest and skittle flavored rainbows shoot from his mouth. There is no one I know who cares about their friends like this beautiful man. His heart is sweet in such a way he reminds you it’s cool to be a kid and alright to be an adult. He inspires me to write, fight and be the Shawn White I am today, yesterday, everyday.
This is a man who passes no judgement, carries no gavel and most likely doesn’t eat any gravel. He’s down with silliness, ridiculousness and all the Shawn White tomfoolery I can toss at him.
This is a man who mowed my lawn, changed my cat litter boxes and made sure I was alright every week while I was in all my troubled times. He helped me when I needed him, going above and beyond what would be fair for any friend.
He is an inspiration to me, a motivation to me.
Tony thank you for being my friend. A great friend. A true friend.
I can only hope to be an ounce to you as you have been to me.
Equal and Peaceful
River mud caries on the wind, massaging our flesh like a lover’s touch. Flowery fuzies float in the air as spring snowflakes. Life is better than good, better than bad. It is equal and peaceful.
It feels good to look at the world with open eyes. A vision with clean filters of peace and harmony. Free of weight, without the world’s mass pinning us down. Our knees no longer press against hard stone. The blood, the pain, the agony is gone. No longer do we live in fear, in pain or with anger. Together we are enjoying the moment, loving the world and the miracle of life.
No longer do we eat the meal of sadness and joy. They’ve become candy sprinkles, a sugary delight, an occasional pleasure. It’s no longer about what we’ve faced or the feel of our face. It’s about the look of their face, the love of their face, the love on our face.
Life is more, less, exactly as it’s supposed to be. Not backwards or forwards, here or there. It’s more than nothing, less than something, not even or odd. Life is beautiful, awe-inspiring, beyond imagination, finite and infinite.
Thank You Christopher Burke
Tonight was quite the evening. I read aloud many poems. Engaged in heart provoking conversation. Last, but far from least, listened to poetry that moved my heart. One performance caught my ear above and beyond all others. It moved me to such a degree that tears wrapped my eyes. This poet, this storyteller strummed my heart and played my soul.
Ordinarily I avoid the use of names in my posts, but today I must pay homage where it is due. I’ve never had the pleasure to be captivated and liberated by the words of one person. There has never been a moment where words pulled me into them with such gravity, such power that my being was absorbed. Where the sound of his stories reverberated and transformed the spirit matter of my being.
If you ever have the opportunity to hear the words of this man, I suggest you take the time to sit and listen to the tales of his heart. Relax your shoulders and lower your walls and you will be pulled into a land beyond heaven and hell. You will be in the realm of truth, of excellent of raw, unfettered humanity.
I cannot thank him enough for sharing his inside parts. Truly, deeply he has inspired my inside zones. Simply awesome! Awesome in the truest sense. Thank you, thank you Christopher Burke.
that was cool
I had a twinge of sadness
a reflection of what could have been
what might have been
It was neat to see it in the way that I do
It was in another way
A peaceful way
a harmonious way
a way that is fair
and to you
The fire Abdomidon rides in the night air as we speak
In the night of the ever cold
The moon light chill burns my flesh to goose bumps standing on end, awaiting orders.
The hairs on my thin white flesh rise like stems of bamboo sticks of the color green, blowing in the midnight wind of the moon.
The blood rushes red to my skin to warm it with the underneath touch
I shiver and grasp the blue denim jeans of outside cold chill to warm my tightening joints.
The cold jeans warm nothing to my hands of frost, the old man of winter wished upon me.
My eyes blink as the cold sharp winds rage my face.
I bring my hands to shelter the tender flesh of my face. The cold digits of my hands protected nothing. The winds cut deep into my eyes. My green eyes, my blue green eyes.
Tears ball up, and struggle to maintain order within, protecting them from the pain and damage of the wind
I turn my back on this sharp skin ripping dull wind. Its cold air wisps up my back and under my soft wool and cotton. Riding the pale hair up my back, entertaining my spine.
My teeth chatter with desperation.
My knees tighten and wobble
My nose grows red
The cold of my toes grow to pain
The chill filled eyes scratch to look around
Searching for an end to the pain
The eyes turn sharp, and dart and dart
and the body withers and shivers
As a rumble is heard.
He sat on his couch, the ambient noise of a movie played in the background. The day was one of significance, one of growing grief, one ending with a blooming sadness. Like a flower his eyes released in a bout of tearful waterworks, a release, a joyous scene of sadness.
He had a friend, one he was thankful for, this person spoke to him as he wept. Their words walked with him as his tears crawled down his face. Speaking fairly and genuinely, he was reminded of the beautiful reality of his tears. They used his own words to console him, his own tone to remind him. It felt good to hear these things as he faced the sadness, this healthy sadness.
He thought about the tears streaming down his face, their significance. What were they truly, he thought to himself. It was a cocktail of their words and his, the truth, the simple truth was he was a new man. He had no walls, no anger, no animosity, he became someone else. This was the first loss he felt, a loss without the bone crushing cold of depression, or the volcanic power of mania. He was letting go of a love, a good love, a precious love. Yet, he was not letting go of love.
Love would stay, as this new man he loved everyone. Willing to love those who’d hurt him in the past. Those he’d never met and those he knew now. Life was new, things were different, he could feel with his fingers, with his lips… with his heart.
Today I was at peace,
my insides were warm and wonderful.
There were moments of sadness, like little candy sprinkles.
The the sprinkles became a gentle storm.
In a calming, beautiful place I went back to older moments.
I gave no fight
I let it be,
In the end it was something true,
In our Life
In our life,
There are moments so profound
we mark them with mile stones,
we can feel their force as they are happening.
Today the gravity of all my experiences settled in. Like a welcoming wind, a profound sense of peace eased its way into my soul.
I am no longer concerned with the trivial, the things I cannot control
the battles that are not my own.
I am a new man, an old man
the person I never thought I would be
the anger, the hate, the frustration, the pain, the fear
is all gone
I feel fantastic
I feel wonderful
I feel powerful
I love everyone
I am at peace with everyone
I am in harmony with everyone
Freedmont Happiness of Joy
Upon Nasty Fur Hounds
The stars twinkle in the night sky
as I stare into the blue horizon
The sun sets to the south of my glowing yellow body of darkness
Slipping the serpent nature from within
into the clear wet body illuminating flourescent white,
into my eyes as I speak to you
The sun moves over,
he rolls over as the white line upon my face slips over my nose into the moon
“Oh so sad” I think to myself as the math is put together in the form of innocence
in the heart of the ever pure
Almost being like the red green light that flashes at one’s eyes as Christmas sings about to me in the tone of pleasant.
Oh what a great feeling it is to have the tree of life flourish over my floor,
Gulping down what little water remains in the white red bowl it sips
Its green pine needle drinking hands waving about for help in its torturous environment.
What a great feeling of dehydration watching its tongue dig deep into the soul of the barrel bowl, and spirit of the flowing water.
Oh such things must rush over the man making math
Staring over the horizon.
Imagining the nearing Christmas of joy and happiness
The Both that share us Joy.
Green Putrid Heart
Your green putrid heart covered in that sticky slime
Dripping the crude waste, man leaves behind
Sipping your own fluids,
and offering it to others with your pale wrinkled hands,
soaked with the makeup you ever so slightly put on your face,
that fake creation full of the unnatural impurities,
made from the animals you love so much.
Whipping your hands down on the paper,
and bleaching your foulness upon it
and calling it art,
it is art
For this art tells a thousand words of your corruption
and a coal blackened heart
and self pity
It slides and slips
moving swiftly between our finger tips
grains of sand,
like time, our lives spill through our hand
as our love slips away
it disappears before our eyes
falling to the floor
against the stone
hiding, leaving us forever
falling in love is a moment of beauty
a rush, a flash of light, fireworks and fun
When the love is done, its gone in a shadow
a heavy blanket
an emptiness inside…
…a sad farewell
Oh how I wanted you
I wanted you to disappear,
not in hate,
not in love, or like,
but in that I no longer cared
Beautiful, simply gorgeous
an angel with such a heavenly glow, white light trails in your wake.
So soft, so sensitive, so pure
Your essence is intoxicating, incredibly invigorating.
Walking beside you was like being wrapped in a veil of magical light
fairies fluttering with their butterfly wings
singing songs of love and life without any strife
immeasurable and incredible
pure candy for sight
a flavor of the gods, beyond any mortal delight
The world moves in magical ways
It has an ebb and flow
A feel of pure pleasure,
a sensation of cool liquidity
rhythmically rocking us, forward and back
Not all of our feels make sense
they don’t have to
Feelings are creatures without a master
they are untamed
liberated and Free
Acceptance, like the world, has an ebb and flow
It moves forward and back
side to side
it glides and slides, but never abides.
I want to say “Not a peep, not a noise, not a word.”
I want to say “Are you serious?”
“After all this time?”
“After this and that, here and there?”
I want to say “ok.”
I want to say “I get it.”
“I should have seen it.”
“That this was going to happen.”
“It was destined to be.”
“that’s how it works”
What can I say?
It doesn’t take them away
The way the road moves
how it travels
or where it goes
The steps we took have already been taken
They can’t be undone
They will always be there
Maybe I’m fine with it
Ready to lift my soul
let my heart go
rise and fly
watch what was…
Hurt and pain and all sorts of shame
We live in a world where things don’t go our way
Life is not solely about the good times
or the bad.
It is about the memories we cherish, love and like.
the lessons we have learned
and the things we have earned
Sadness is a time stamp of the things we have accepted
the moments that have passed
the ones that are to come
that will be all sorts of fun
It is an opportunity to look forward
to walk toward the sun
and dance in the night
to look ahead without any fright
live and love
and wear life like a glove
There is a plug, a sticky thing,
a clog filling the passage
It keeps all the gooey good stuff from flowing like it should
It keeps us from seeing ourselves
seen how we see
feel how we feel
how we want to experience
This plug is tough and gruff and overall quite the bastard
We have to pull and struggle and fight
do what needs to be done to open our heart to fun
The world is not always about the things that are bad
We can raise our spirits
feel the wave
and be glad
enjoy the stillness of peace
and make the insanity cease.
As the world burns,
our eyes resting against the horizon
comfortably sitting with soft smiles
watching the flames lick at the starless sky.
It is difficult to discern between the clouds and the smoke
as it often is,
In life we face so many perils
the hardships are difficult to distinguish the good from the bad.
We blindly amble
smiles on our faces,
moving toward the maw of oblivion
we enter the mouth of annihilation
and we are consumed
What happens next?
Are we are reborn?
Do we reemerge?
ready and willing to face life again
able to cope, to handle all of its challenges
overcome all of its hardships
rediscovering how to survive and journey
thrive and give up worry
The world can be a strange place, the kind where shadows move about believing they’re hidden.
Like a silvery little fish, so young and slick. Swimming with such serpentine grace it might make me sick.
If the desire is there, act on it, life is too short to sneak and hide.
Instead you move and dance, sneakily eating and thriving, simply trying to hide as you survive.
Fuck that man, do what you go to do. Be honest and straight with your words. There’s no shadow in the sky, no duck bill that’ll bite.
Your heart says “That shadow in the sky is a duck if I might surmise.” Don’t guess, if you must know, go and ask.
Don’t bask in the burning rays of fear. Live your life outward and well. Embrace the love in your heart. Don’t break your patterns and smiles because of expectation.
Most likely, what you expect isn’t what you’re going to get.
Today was a day of many thoughts and explorations. I considered much and spoke to plenty of people. It was a good day filled with all sorts of feels.
There was a poem that crossed my mind. My heart spilled, but its blood was thin, only thick enough to grant the writing form. It was raw, rough and without shape. It lacked the slide and glide needed for it to roll off the lip.
The spirit addressed love, life and the relationships between. It asked questions about life’s stepping stones, how we are servants to the soles of our lover’s feet. We mark a place, a spot, a temporary location for those we love, until another is found… to lead them closer to that one… true… love.
The poem sung a song, a friendly ballad, one that smiles and laughs and is jolly… even at night. It was a song that could bring an end even to a terrifying fright.
It said we are servants to love, that it fits us like a glove and flies as sweetly as a beautiful white dove.
It said we all give, a gift received… and a gift granted. A glory to be thankful for… A magnificence to cherish, a significance to acknowledge and its brilliance to brighten our days.