Wisdom – Tree of Life

wisdom

Wisdom

Wisdom is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. It’s the ability to see the world without illusion or delusion. To realistically interpret and understand who you are and your surroundings.  A comprehension that starts from the inside parts of our mind and stretches to the outside zones of our body. It can be described with the sentence: “My body is this, I believe this, I am this person, I decide who I am.”

Wisdom finds us when we embrace who we are. Accept the realities of our existence and transcend them. It tells us that we can become whoever we want to be and we are not defined by the opinions of others.

When we accept the root of wisdom we decide to no longer feed the negative root of false perception. It is the moment when your identity is decided by you and no one else.

Links

False Perception – Reflections

 

Emotional Land Mine

Emotional Land Mine – Reflections

Emotional Land Mine

Emotional Land Mine

Recently I’ve taken a few moments to reflect on the events of my life. There is so much I’ve forgotten. At certain instances its feels like I stepped on an emotional land mine and was blown to pieces.

Somehow like a ghost I’ve been able to collect many of those parts and reassemble my spirit. The idea reminds me of Dracula from the Castlevania series. With that said the mind is a beautiful machine. Its able to cope and navigate through life. When we neglect it though shit really hits the fan and everything is covered in a layer of unfortunate crap.

The somehow part is a bit misleading, I actually used social media resources to stitch back the events of those days. There were all sorts of crazy and stupid shit that I said during that time, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings during those moments, but I don’t regret my actions. They had to happen, if they didn’t I wouldn’t have had the fuel to attempt suicide, or commit myself to a mental health facility.

I am a firm believer that change happens every second. If we want to have an influence over our lives we have to know who we want to be. To do that we have to know who we are, unfortunately we only know who we were moments ago. With enough introspection we can establish a pretty good framework, a blue print to understand how we work.

Once we have this framework established we can reach for the stars.

We can decide who it is we want to be and the kind of people we desire to surround ourselves with. In the coming week or so I will be releasing my philosophy on the Tree of Life, the Tolerance Barrel and the Spectrum. In it I will go into great detail about our dreams, adventures and plans. I will discuss our lives and how positive and negative energy plays into our role in life and how art is the catalyst to true change.

I hope to provide a sketch of how I see the world, so that perhaps you may begin drawing out your own. No system is perfect, each requires adaptations or unique systems to match the needs of everyone, one person at a time.

Links

Memories – Reflections

 

Sensations

Birthday Sensations – Reflections

Sensations

Birthday Sensations

There are no moments in life that are worthwhile to waste.

There are times when we might lose something special to us. This special something could be a someone, it could be a thing, perhaps even a sensation. Treasure the significance of your moments, because the things you value most, those elements of your life you take for granted, can be snatched away at any second.

On Monday, the eight of May, my beautiful birthday, I felt the roots of acceptance crawl back into my life. I could feel peace flow into the trunk of my Tree of Life. For once in a great many months I was free.  Free from incessant torture and endless misery, liberated and ready to take a fresh breath of air.

Even more than than my release from spiritual prison, I could once again feel my hands. I could experience the sensation of my finger tip’s touch. My face felt like my face and my lips like my lips. Oh my god I can not express how wonderful that felt. For months I have gone without sensation in these places, and now on this day, this significant day of my birth, I was having a rebirth. Reborn with a new outlook and the ability to experience the world for what it is, instead of what a blanket of numbness can interpret.

Links

Memories – Reflections

 

acceptance

Acceptance – Tree of Life

Acceptance

acceptance

Acceptance is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. It’s what closed my gate to hell and reopened my heart. Resurrecting my passions and dreams pointing me in the direction of the incredible. The root has the ability to awaken our eyes to see the world for what it is. To let go and allow others in. To take off the boards on our windows and unlock our doors. It is a root that may be summed up with: “I am this, I have that, I don’t need you to love me, I love myself.”

Acceptance is a fascinating root, one that develops slowly. As we accept our circumstance we will shift out and back into denial. Back and forth we will go into anger, sadness and other uncomfortable emotions. This is the process of coming to terms with something and ultimately accept it.

A part of me wants to say I found the roots of acceptance when I saw the damage denial was causing. That I knew there was a fire but wasn’t able to see the source. I want to say that it took the loss of a lover and an attempted suicide to discover a laser that was destroying my life.

That’s not reality, there were times when I believed it to be true. Exploring my thoughts and writing out my feelings let me to see what was and what wasn’t. The relationship was important, but it wasn’t the catalyst, nor was the attempted suicide, it was a whole shit ton of crap smashed together into one really gross wad of bad stuff.

Life happens on a series of moments, we experience change from second to second, not all of it feels good or is good. We can do our best to make the best of it.  In the moments I thought I was spiraling, I wasn’t, there was no slide toward hell, instead I was climbing a staircase to enlightenment and peace.

Ultimately the greatest damage to my life came from denial.

When my lung was removed I convinced myself I was no longer bipolar. This idea dismantled my internal support systems and critical awareness.  I no longer looked for those inward parts of myself, because I wasn’t looking, I couldn’t see them.

Once I accepted my illness, I was able to find ways to deflect the laser. The light beam was going to do its thing, but if I could redirect it, my life wouldn’t be set on fire, I wouldn’t have to be destroyed.

With acceptance you can redirect the laser of your life, you can choose what it burns and when.

Links

Denial – Reflections

 

accountability

Accountability – Tree of Life

accountability

Accountability

Accountability is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. This root may sometimes invite pressure and stress, but if these levels remain healthy we are embracing positive elements. Often we find acceptance before we become accountable, but this is not always the case. An example of accountability may be described with: “I respect you, I respect myself, I fulfill my obligations.”

Accountability is a root that is built over time.

We can transform a part of our root structure into accountability, but this “instant” transformation isn’t so instantaneous. It takes times and effort, actions that repeat over and over like a snow ball rolling across the ground. If the snow ball stops rolling its stops growing. We have to keep things rolling if we want to grow the roots of acceptance.

This root is built from our social contracts. These agreements are established between at least two people. They are informal (spoken or otherwise) contracts that define a relationship. The more we honor and obey these social contracts the stronger our accountability becomes. Following the social contracts is not enough though. If you feel shame when not honoring the contract then you have wrapped yourself up in arrangements you’re currently not healthy enough to honor. Unless you can quickly develop coping skills these relationships will fail.

Recently I had the opportunity to share and receive wisdom from another soul surfing the seas of sorrow. It was from them I gained an insightful look into shame and how it affects us. I learned that its presence is magnified the smaller our communities become. That our actions reverberate with stronger force because there is no anonymity.

I spent a bit of time contemplating this thought and I discovered there were two roots that exist within these communities. The first was shame, the second was accountability. In the instances that we feel crippled by the opinions of others we are embracing the negative roots of the Tree of Life. This causes us to water our soil with the stress water from our Tolerance Barrel.

When we are motivated to do what we feel is right and good and take care of our fellow man, we embrace the positive. Participating in activities that promote the community and maintain order that falls within the realm of accountability. Acting responsibly is a positive quality.

Links

Shame – Reflections

Guilt

Guilt – Tree of Life

Guilt

Guilt

Guilt is one of the seven negative roots of the Tree of Life. It is an experience that we manufacture, no one can give it to us. It is an internalization of mental and emotional pain as the result of a trauma real or imagined. On the short term guilt can be beneficial, but if we carry it with us for longer than is needed it becomes unhealthy and it feeds into all of our actions and sabotages us.

When I checked myself into Center Point I was filled with a lot of guilt. I believed I had created catastrophic damage to the lives of those around me and to myself. My suicide attempt wasn’t simply guilt, it was a collage of complicated and simple emotional responses over a long period of time.

My time within the hospital allowed me the opportunity to slow down and analyze my existence. Through introspection I released my guilt and transformed it into the root of forgiveness. We must all learn to forgive ourselves, with that root energy we can then truly begin to rid ourselves of our emotional diseases and heal.

Links

Forgiveness – Tree of Life

 

False Validation

False Validation – Tree of Life

False Validation

False Validation

False Validation is one of the seven negative roots of the Tree of Life. It is when  our thoughts, opinions and perceptions are traded for someone else’s.   Typically the person transforming us isn’t aware of the influence their words have. They simply answer our question we ask them to the best of their ability at that moment. It isn’t their answer that affects us, instead its our lack of confidence that allows us to be affected. We are the poorly anchored boat being blown by the wind. The wind is doing as nature has requested, it we who failed to keep ourselves true.

If we anchor ourselves, take claim and responsibility over our lives we can pull the negative aspect from this root and transform it into the root of empowerment.

Links

Empowerment – Tree of Life