Rationality – Tree of Life



Rationality is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. It’s the act of fueling our thoughts with positive energy. With it we make sound emotional decisions supported by reason.

Throughout the years, I’ve watched the world become something other than what I thought it was. People doing things that don’t make sense. Their motivations are undiscernible. In a story, a character must be believable and so must their motivations. In life though, that doesn’t seem to be the reality. The only commonality I’ve seen is that people who hurt, hurt others. Some people hurt so much they become unbelievable villains. Their only drive, the motive of their actions is to watch the world burn.

In my journey, I’ve blamed myself here and there. I’ve been convinced I was the villain, the destroyer of this relationship or that one. Was encouraged to believe my actions resulted in the destruction of something beautiful, a treasured and wonderful relationship. It’s not true.

I am not solely responsible. You are not solely responsible. We, however, together in our relationships, we are solely responsible.

If I were healthy, I wouldn’t have dated my ex.

At least not in the way that we coupled. The way it happened wasn’t fair to her ex, her or me.

I was used. Used for all sorts of things that honestly isn’t any one’s business. The primary one, the one I want to share, is I was made into a tool. A weapon to help end my ex’s relationship with her lover. That’s not fair. I’m not an instrument for someone else to terminate their relationship. I know what that feels like, it sucks to be the stepping stone for someone else. It hurts to be the placeholder till someone else comes along. That’s not me. I don’t want to see anyone else hurt. I’m done hurting, I don’t want to hurt anyone else.

With that said, it was still a WE, we both contributed to what happened. I may have been on pain meds, recuperating from having my lung removed and looking down the barrel of chemotherapy. I was lonely and afraid. She was there, she made herself present and so, I quickly fell in love. Ultimately though I am equally responsible for another person’s pain and to that person I am sorry for that.

I’m sorry that I hurt you.

It is never my intention to hurt another person. There are times when I’m overcome with the experience of life and the things I say are raw and hurtful. I’m not a perfect person, I feel and love, all sorts of imperfections can be found within me. I have cancer for god sake, there is no way I’m perfect.

So, what does all this lead into?

The positive root of rationality is more than accepting your role in relationships, it’s acknowledging and respecting their ebb and flow. We’re not always equally responsible at every moment. A wise man once told me this ebb and flow is akin to a seesaw. Sometimes you’re in the air and sometimes you’re not. There are times when we are more responsible, times when we have less.


Malfunction – Tree of Life




When We Malfunction – Tree of Life

when we malfunction

When we Malfunction

When our emotions are running around all wild and such they tend to do some pretty terrible things. They create something I call malfunctions. They are what happen when we let our emotions influence how our thoughts process information. When this occurs we take action that conflicts with what a rational person would do or understand.

  • When we idle we spin.
  • When we spin we repeat ourselves
  • When we repeat ourselves we malfunction
  • When we malfunction we hurt

In the moments we are spinning our world doesn’t make any sense. As it spins we try to solve the problem, we think and feel our way through it. Then as we try to fix, we malfunction. When this happens, we try to do something to alleviate ourselves of the pain. But it never works and we hurt. We really hurt.

Then it starts again, until we can break the pattern.

The manifestation of a malfunction could appear like this:

I’m tired of her pestering me about the bananas. If she wanted to have them that much she should have ordered them herself. If she wants those damn bananas, I’m going to really let her have those bananas. See how she feels. Let her feel how I feel.

This person does something to the bananas. For a moment, it gives them pleasure. They feel power over the lady. We hope they can catch themselves before they give the bananas to her. If they do then they will prevent the cycle from beginning again. Most of us don’t catch ourselves and we begin to spiral.


Malfunction – Tree of Life


Horse Emotions – Tree of Life


Horse Emotions

Emotions do things, make noises and move around. Like a little creature or a horse, we go to them and embrace the moment. Often, we mount a saddle and start riding. These creatures do all sorts of stuff, especially if we don’t know how to reign them in. We let the horse go this way and that as it tramples shit and runs amuck. After a little bit, we figure it out and look back at what we’ve done. We say crap, what have I done and we try to make things right. We beg and plead, we demand and yell. We pester and poke. Eventually we get off the horse and walk away. We have to just hope others know what it’s like to be stuck on a horse as it moves through our life.


Never-ending Journey – Relfections




Artifacts are created by infusing negative or positive energy into something. The energy we give it returns to us each time we interact with it. In application, it’s like a beer bottle in the presence of an alcoholic, your significant other in a toxic relationship, a blade to a cutter. On the other side of the spectrum it could be the bracelet your mother gave to you, a wedding ring or the grave stone of a lost love.

We decide Individually the significance of each artifact. This decision doesn’t always happen consciously, but it’s always a result of our interaction or reaction, this response determines how it’s emotionally charged.

Some artifacts are unconsciously created, others are built as a symbol. We infuse it with purpose to remind us of a lesson, moment or idea. I do this through the medical bracelet that I wear around my arm. It reminds me of several things, its energy is there to remind me of what I have done, doing and will do. For example, it serves as a ward against shame. I have freaked out a number of times, afraid that I’ve shown too much of myself. As soon as I look at the bracelet I’m reminded that I’m doing the right thing.

Select your artifacts wisely, know them, love them and be at peace with them.


Defining Negative and Positive


Defining Negative and Positive

Defining Negative and Positive

Defining Negative and Positive

Positivity isn’t candy smiles or sunshine happiness nor are frowns and sadness a representation of Negativity. These fundamental concepts are beyond the scope of these momentary experiences, fleeting emotions and passing seconds. To be positive is to be harmonious, accepting and being at peace with oneself. To be negative is a state disconnection, disorder and intolerance. Indulging negativity is a freefall into the pit of suffering. Suffering is pain without purpose.

To be positive is to accept the harmony of life and death, pain and pleasure, that there is purpose to everything. All action has significance, when we embrace negativity, we embrace discord. Discord blinds us. It strikes away our ability to see the significance of our experiences.


Equal and Peaceful – Poem

Wisdom – Tree of Life



Wisdom is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. It’s the ability to see the world without illusion or delusion. To realistically interpret and understand who you are and your surroundings.  A comprehension that starts from the inside parts of our mind and stretches to the outside zones of our body. It can be described with the sentence: “My body is this, I believe this, I am this person, I decide who I am.”

Wisdom finds us when we embrace who we are. Accept the realities of our existence and transcend them. It tells us that we can become whoever we want to be and we are not defined by the opinions of others.

When we accept the root of wisdom we decide to no longer feed the negative root of false perception. It is the moment when your identity is decided by you and no one else.


False Perception – Reflections


Empowerment – Tree of Life



Empowerment is one of the seven positive roots of the Tree of Life. When our heart weakens and our blood runs thin we turn to others for guidance. We desire words to equalize and harmonize. In these moments there are two choices we can make, personal empowerment or false validation. We can embrace our sound judgement or give our power to others. Empowerment can be described with:”I am who I am, these are my opinions, this is my decision.”

When we walk the road of empowerment we choose to live life with our own thoughts. We push out the influences of others and we have the force of will to be who we are, who we believe ourselves to be, who we want to be.

In my journey of empowerment I’m trying to remove phrases like: “What do you think about that?” …and other questions of validation. I’ve discovered that if someone has an opinion they’ll share it to you. We don’t have to ask, it wouldn’t be a gift if we did.

I choose to be my own person, I choose who I want to be. I have chosen to transform my root of false validation into the root of empowerment.


False Validation – Reflections