False Perception

False Perception – Tree of Life

False Perception

False Perception

False Perception is one of the seven negative roots of the Tree of Life.  It’s the act of devaluing our significance, role or value.  Though it may be tied to self deprecation it includes exaggerated perceptions of self. Believing we are worthless is equally destructive as personal deification. False Perception may be easily summed up in the statement: “I am ugly, I am a bad parent, I am the best, I am the wisest.”

I believe myself to be a pretty positive and confident man.  I avoid jokes that belittle my significance or reduce my value.  One of my fundamental philosophies is that positivity begets positivity and negativity begets negativity. This philosophy permeates nearly all of my communication, anyone who knows me can vouch for the fun words I tend to use.  This is not False Perception, it is instead it is the act of positive reinforcement.

Life is not perfect, nor are the people who live within it.

There have been moments when I’ve fallen prey to the negative, wrapped myself with a blanket of destruction and rolled in its misery.  Sure, these moments may reflect the depression of some, but it is not how I typically experience it. Nor is it how my False Perception Manifests.

My False Perception takes hold during my manic phases, it makes me feel invulnerable and unstoppable.  Often my wisdom is robbed from me and I lose the ability to critically analyze and interact with my peers respectfully. There are instances where I feel the need to be right, refuse to back down and I push or pull when I need to let go and relax.

Though it can be troublesome it has opened the door to many magnificent journeys.  In reflection my inflated sense of self increased my deafness during a time when my inner scream was already incredibly quite loud.  It was a destructive time, a period when the nightmare of my existence dripped from my pores, ruining nearly everything that I touched.

After considerable reflection I have overcome this False Perception, putting it back into its dark hole.  For now, until the mania returns I can walk through life fed with the roots of wisdom, instead of the roots of False Perception.

Links

Wisdom – Tree of Life

 

Denial – Tree of Life

denial

Denial

Denial is one of the seven Negative roots of the Tree of Life.  It is what opened the hellish portal leading to the end of my romantic relationship.  This root stitches blinders to our eyes, placing us in eternal darkness, hiding us from the world. In summary Denial may easily be summed up with the statement: “I am not this, I don’t have that.”

My denial manifested after my lung was removed in July.  I desperately wanted to believe I was no longer bipolar.  This desperation influenced my research and lead me down the path of pseudo science.  I wasn’t completely aware of it at the time, but I stretched science to convince myself my manic depression was cut out with the enormous tumor in my chest. There were subtle tactics I used to convince myself it was gone, repeating that reality over and over until I believed the falsehood.

I’m not entirely sure I completely believed the idea. The signs told me that I hadn’t cycled for so long it was impossible that it was still with me. Though I saw this pattern and the science felt like it didn’t match up there was a lingering itch within me.  I believe that I secretly knew it wasn’t gone, but wasn’t willing to accept it.

Truth be told having cancer was a large enough disease.  

The idea of having two chronic illnesses simply was too much.

It took a long time, but I am no longer in denial.  I am so far away from denial I have embraced the reality of the disease.  Now I have accepted it, I have removed the root of Denial and replaced it with the positive root of Acceptance.

Links

Acceptance – Tree of Life