Mistakes and Fairness

Mistakes and Fairness

Should the sum of our existence be calculated by a small window of time or a few mistakes? Do you believe every good deed ought to be dismissed because of a few decisions?

We all make mistakes and decisions that lead to disaster. No one was given an instruction manual or granted a good guide. Each and everyone of us are bumbling through life for the first time.

If we want fairness we must be fair to others. We achieve this by forming a relationship with Forgiveness, Wisdom and Hope. Forgiveness helps us ease the ferocity of vengeance; Wisdom, especially empathy mutes the sharp edge of judgement; and Hope reminds us we can learn from our mistakes.

Pain can blind us

The world is an insane place and there seems to be no end in sight. It spins us round and round, twisting our gut till we are about to throw up. With the challenge of life, you’d think we’d be more understanding, but people hurt so much they are blinded by their pain.

We get kicked over and over even after being knocked to our knees. When the assault stops we are granted a reprieve, but we must raise our fists for the next beating. With so much strife it becomes hard to fight. Its difficult to give a pass when we feel like shattered glass.

I know how much it hurts to feel broken, but we cannot close our eyes. If we do, we lose more than magnificent beauty and infinite wonder. We lose our empathy and ability to see. We must hold onto our wisdom and continue to use empathy. The more empathetic and understanding we are, the more forgiving the world will be.

Forgiveness is not Forgetfulness

Forgiveness is a spiritual experience and a relationship with our inside zones. It’s a philosophy of responsibly letting go. A decision to walk away from suffering to come closer to peace. It’s a path of personal protection and a barrier against bitterness.

Its important to know Forgiveness is not forgetfulness. If someone violates, hurts or wrongs us, we should protect ourselves. Do what needs to be done, but don’t desire their destruction. Stop the cycle of bad by treating them better than they treated us. Let our abusers see how they hurt us and give them a chance grow from it.

Vengeance is easy, but imagine what kind of life we would be living if someone enacted vengeance on us for every wrong or crime we committed?

My message here is to be fair to others. Do to them as we want done to us. Be understanding while protecting ourselves. If we must protect ourselves, our goal should be to end the threat and receive fair compensation.

I know what it feels like to feel pain, it can be terrible, but making someone else hurt isn’t going to take away ours. When we strip vengeance from justice we can give Forgiveness and live with peace.

We can learn from our mistakes

At the end of the day I believe everyone can learn from their mistakes. Every day I take a misstep, sometimes I stumble, and if I fall I hope someone is rooting for me to get back up. We all make mistakes and decisions that lead to disaster, everyone has hurt someone else, and no one is perfect. Have faith that others can become the better version of themselves.

 

Hold onto the light

Empathy an Intro

I think its easy to attack without considering the consequences of our actions. It is easy to say something is bad simply because it fails to meet our paradigm of thought. Critical thought is hard, to stay on course with its edicts we must follow its teachings and consider others. It teaches us to explore our thoughts and feelings. To develop an understanding of our ideology and find ways to bridge our world with others. It teaches us to consider the thoughts and feelings of others. To imagine what it is like to be them, so we can treat them fairly based on their circumstance.

What good does any of this do if we don’t know how to apply these teachings to our daily lives? An expert isn’t born, to be proficient in a skill we must practice. Practice is more than memorization, it is exploration and experimentation as well. We can sit behind old books all day learning what the dead say about body language and tonality, but this equates to nothing if we are unwilling to explore our skills.

What is empathy? “the ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation.” [1]

How do we use the skill of empathy? How can I imagine what it would be like if the situation could never conceivably happen to me? Empathy requires imagination, you must have the ability to see something that doesn’t exist. If imagining something like this is outside of your capacity I suggest exploring a few new hobbies. Consider going to your local hobby store to join a role-playing group, get involved in a game where you can play a character and experience an imaginary world. Perhaps find a local writing group and explore fictional writing or experiment with art. If your mind is no longer in touch with your heart it will be very difficult imagining what it would be like to be in another person’s situation.

Mind Tools presents a good primer to practice empathy.

Empathy at Work [2]

  1. Put aside your viewpoint, and try to see things from the other person’s point of view.
  2. Validate the other person’s perspective.
  3. Examine your attitude.
  4. Listen
  5. Ask what the other person would do.  

I would suggest giving their interpretation of empathy a good read, you can find this article at: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/EmpathyatWork.htm.

Final Thoughts

To empathize with someone, we need to imagine we are them. What would it be like to be them in this situation. If you were them, how would you feel? If you were them, how would you want to be treated?


[1] “Empathy” Dictionary. Cambrdge Dictionary. Web. 12 December 2017. < https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/empathy>

[2] “Empathy at Work” Mind Tools. Web. 12 December 2017. < https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/EmpathyatWork.htm.

Critical Awareness – Boundaries – Personal Advocacy

critical awareness Critical Awareness

What is Critical Awareness?

This question is equally important as how boundaries improve critical awareness.

So what is critical awareness?  In this instance we are going to define it as empathy.  To adequately define empathy I want you to imagine yourself as someone else.  This is more than standing in their shoes or seeing the world their their eyes.  Close your eyes, separate yourself from your reality, take a moment and think about how they might experience the world.  What influences might affect the way they interpret reality?  How could their bias alter how they see and interact with others?  What do you think their intent is? This is one way to empathize with someone.

To empathize you aren’t feeling this person’s emotions. To feel what they feel is to sympathize, sympathy is a pathology, a disease of critical thought.  The most effective way you can love another person, while loving yourself is stop sympathizing and start empathizing.

How do boundaries improve critical awareness?

Through personal boundaries you can more effectively empathize, which will help you identify and interpret the filters and boundaries of others. This will increase your ability to communicate and protect yourself from dangers inside and out.

How does critical awareness improve boundaries?

People who use critical awareness only experience emotions relevant to them. This effective framework prevents others from manipulating them.  They have drawn a definitive line in the sand between their feelings and those of others. This boundary enables them to distinguish their thoughts and feelings from the emotions, thoughts and manipulations of others.

Links

If you would like to discover more about personal boundaries and empathy feel free to click on one of these amazing links!  I’m sure your will find something to fill your fancy.

Introduction to Boundaries

Fight Abuse – Boundaries – Personal Advocacy

If you would like a more immersive experience take a look at the following link.  This is a fine introduction to the world of cancer, or at least how my journey begin.  It is a podcast so you can kick back and listen to it as you are doing other stuff.

Power Advocacy Podcast 3

Empathy – Critical Awareness

Empathy

When empathy becomes reality, your empathy has failed you.  Watching someone experience something is not the same as experiencing it.  This goes both ways.  It is not fair to claim you know something, when you don’t.  This post is about exploring the reality of cancer, our perception, empathy and our roles.

Empathy

Perception

Recently I was having a conversation with a friend.  She said that I wasn’t appreciating her and that I haven’t given her that appreciation for six months.  I told her that the reason was because I was going through chemotherapy.  She said that chemo was no excuse, then continued to say that she knows what chemo was like because her father went through it.  Her father was able to make her feel appreciated while he was going through treatment, so I should have too.

I told her that chemo was not an excuse, that it was a reality.  That for the last six months I’ve faced the most terrifying and painful experience of my life.  Things that she has never experienced and has no true understanding of.  That she would never understand what it feels like until she’s gone through chemotherapy (something I hope she never does).  I told her that I’m not her father, boyfriend and she is not my daughter and my role in her life is not as a significant other or parent.  That it sucks to feel unappreciated and as her friend I wished her feelings were not hurt.

Empathy

Friends do things that we may sometimes consider deplorable.  Her comment could easily be considered as such.  In the moment I was calm and didn’t allow it to hurt my feelings.  Later my feelings were hurt by it a little bit, but I vented to my significant other.  Then those bad feelings dissolved.

Friendship is about more than just the good times.  Sometimes we say things when we are really stressed that hurts those close to us.  I believe the fair thing to do here is to accept what they say as stress and move on.

Roles

If you have a loved one with cancer, it doesn’t mean you know what the experience of cancer is like.

Just because you…

  • have walked with someone in their cancer journey doesn’t mean that you know what its like to have cancer.
  • watched someone go through chemotherapy doesn’t mean you know what its like to go through chemotherapy.
  • know someone who went had surgery, doesn’t mean you know what its like to go through surgery.
  • know someone who had radiation treatment, doesn’t mean you know what its like to experience radiation treatment.

If you have cancer, it doesn’t mean you know what its like to watch someone you love suffer through cancer.

Just because you…

  • have cancer doesn’t mean that you know what its like to watch someone go through cancer.
  • went through chemotherapy doesn’t mean you know what its like to watch a loved one go through chemotherapy.
  • had surgery, doesn’t mean you know what its like to be there for someone going through surgery.
  • went through radiation treatment, doesn’t mean you know what its like to watch someone go through radiation treatment.

If you would like to read about the journey of cancer feel free to continue your exploration by clicking on this link.

I feel like garbage

Garbage

garbage

Where am I am today?  I am in a I fucking hate this life kind of mood.  I feel like utter shit!  I am tired of feeling this way.  I can’t feel my fingers and toes, earlier I couldn’t feel my face.  I am stressed beyond imagination and I feel like all of my hopes and dreams have been stolen from me.  I feel robbed.  I feel like I am living in this shell of a body, I am so angry.  I try and I push and I do my best to make the best of every moment.  Times like these, times like these long moments I despise the cards that have been dealt to me.  It fucking sucks, there is no other way to describe it.

We must become advocates, all of us

Becoming your own advocate means you must learn how to critically research and develop critical thinking skills.  I consider personal advocacy to be an inner boundary (something I will discuss later).

Being your own Advocate means you must be a leader.  You have the break the mold of putting your life into the hands of strangers you know nothing about. These people should be working for you and not the other way around.

We should be interviewing these people, they should be earning our trust, we are their boss, there should be no point in our treatment plan that they are our boss. They are the people we are using to get a service done, if their ego or inability gets in the way of achieving your goals then they are failing in the duties they were hired for.  When this happens it is time for you to fire them.

If you hired someone to fix your motor vehicle would you hire them again if they failed to fix the part you paid them to repair?  Would you hire them again if they refused to follow your instructions?  No, of course you wouldn’t, so why are we shelling out thousands and thousands of dollars to health care professionals who are not meeting or exceeding our expectations.

Something has got to change and the only way I can see that change happening is if we have a greater understanding of our care.  If we take charge of our treatment plan and learn how to say NO, we can become a true advocate for our own health.  We have to be our own advocate.  This WE is more than just cancer patients, this is everyone.  Everyone has to be made aware of how to demand the service they deserve because they are paying for it, the service they deserve because they are a human being.

 

Possession

Through a clear plastic tube, a stream of poisonous goo dripped from my side.

When they pushed their scalpel against my flesh,  it opened the barrier between life and death.

It created a spirit bound wound open to the world of the living.

The sharpened knife created a cavernous cave, a hole filled with the black flies of oblivion.  They swarmed and spat, eating my breathing flesh with their vomit.

From this wound, my ego soaked doctors ate the blood caked flies from my lung, carving out and consuming the festering rat king from my chest.

Slowly I opened my eyes from this eternally dark dream.  With tears streaming down my face I stared on.

I stared on at an amorphous blob as it plopped out from the darkness.  Like smoldering tar it dripped from the ceiling.   Its skin was slick and rigid and hard to the touch.

Spindles reminiscent to a spider’s arms covered its slug like face.   Dark tentacles poured from its mouth, writhing and lashing.

It looked on at me with beady black eyes.  Its leeching gaze consumed me, latching hooks into my flesh,  it pulled me deeply into it’s bottomless pit of despair.

It hovered.  It taunted me with whispers and growls.  Its wings floated, swimming in the air like water.

The tips of its tendrils slid across my skin, reaching into the slice in my side.  It felt like slippery sand paper driving a hot iron between my ribs.  It sat on my chest, pressing into my sternum.  Its weight made each breath a struggle for air.

It pressed its face against mine, holding me in place.  Steadily and slowly it forced itself into my mouth.  I could feel its anger, its madness, its frenzied hatred… become mine.