It’s a water day. On weekends when I feel ill. The water helps calm me. Like a massage against my skin, a warmth to my muscles. It makes me want to sleep away the last few hours before the sun rises. To wake and return to life refreshed. That is the life, one where I feel blessed.
There are so many things we can do, but only if we are wearing blue shoes. If you want to know what to do, it will only take a few, we can take a cake from a pan and stand it up in the shape of a man. Surely, whirly maybe so, maybe his name will be Sterling Stan.
If it is, then we know, that we have to share with him how it goes. According to the band we have to play, a melody that celebrates this fine ol day. In this time it must be magical, a momentous moment that is fantastical and fun.
So without further a do, let me show you what can be done.
When you wallow in the shallow water inhabited by swallows you can call out to the walruses, malls and crosses.
You can play with Waldo by tossing your ball but only if are willing to confess you threw it over the wall. You can smile for awhile but only if you pet a goose like you’re a cast member of Foot Loose.
You can wine and dine Kevin Bacon but only if your willing to do some shake and baking. Be like Ricky Bobby at Taledega Nights and race like you’re going to out pace everyone to take first place.
These are some things you can do, but only if you are wearing blue shoes. Now you know what to do, it will only take a few, we can bake a cake and make a man, and name him Sterling Stan.
Now you know you can start to glow. You may embrace the silly till it’s stuck and play life like it’s a hockey puck. Slide and stretch, stride and glide cause in the end life will find a way to abide.
When storm clouds thunder and rumble, let your bellows blow. Reach into your chest and let your sadness go and perhaps the silly fun times will be begin to flow. Inspire someone’s soul with sun shine smiles. Give great intentions and subtly guide them a mile. Grant sweet spirits, grin ear to ear and glow with gooey goodness as you live with purpose.
Our insides can be sweet and sticky thick, like candy bits inside our spit. They may be empty and oily, perhaps slippery and slick, like a recently born yellow, cute little chick. But in the end, if we treat them right, simply put we wont have to fight. Our emotions will be true and our judgement fair, in our life we will live with little despair.
When we take the time to care, life becomes a great little lair. It is a cozy good place, where sadness has no base and our heart is happy, without any fear. So come with me now, look to the sky and prepare yourself to fly, cause no matter how the storm clouds rumble, we’ll be ready to give, by taking great strides to live our life.
What is my purpose in life? When I tell people the answer they get excited. There is a certain thrill to hearing someone definitively tell you their purpose. Why is this exciting? It is because it gives them hope, in that moment they realize they too can achieve awareness of their purpose.
My purpose is to help others walk the twisting, dark road of life. To use my hardships to illuminate the land with beams of light showing them the right place to walk. My purpose is to inspire, bring joy and help others help themselves.
You too have a purpose and with it you will find the person you were meant to be. You will build the life you were born to weave. In the end you will see that if you take the lead, the world will become a better place indeed.
So many live life like its a long day dream, shambling like a zombie, existing without precision or purpose. Wake up! Stop sleeping through life! If you don’t open your eyes, you will rise from your rest just in time to see you missed your chance to shine.
You don’t need to be a zombie, you can be a person of purpose. Someone who fights to live life to its fullest. A person who lives as a legend and leaves behind a legacy!
What do I have to say about life? Right now I hate it. I hate my existence, I don’t know if I have ever hated it as much as as I do right now. Every moment I am haunted by this terrible disease, every part of who I am is built into it.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I even exist? Why am I on this place? What is the purpose of my existence? For most of my life I have known nothing but pain and fear. Is this what life is supposed to be? I really want it to be something more than that. I want to live the life that…
Maybe that is just a fantasy. Perhaps those are fairy tale lives. I just never thought this would happen. Everyone always says that, but I had definitive thoughts saying that I would never have cancer.
I’ve begun to relax as I type this. There is a certain peace in doing this blog. I really do believe I am experiencing all of this so I can help people. That belief is very important to me, it makes all of this worth something. I don’t know if I could endure all of this if there wasn’t something good to come of it.
I really have to believe that I can change the lives of others. My heart needs to make this terrible journey into something good. I need my life to mean something.
To start a New Universe of Cancer feel free to click on this friendly link.
Change is the way of life
At every step in our life we are faced with change. It’s an opportunity to become something else, to be transformed by the moment. I have experienced many opportunities to change in my cancer journey. I have done my best to accept these gifts as they are presented to me. When our world begins to transform we must temper it with wisdom, becoming something else is not enough, we must critically observe the transformation.
Ghost Tree (the art piece of the tree: see below) was inspired by the parts of our lives that die but remain even after we continue to live. Looking at it now I’m reminded of my mother, especially her journey through cancer and heart disease. She died of congestive heart failure and pancreatic cancer. Since my diagnosis there have been many moments when I wondered if she had carcinoid cancer.
My mother walked the road of cancer with grace. She made the most of her life. She lived her final moments by her terms. When she was put on hospice she chose to take control of her life and how she would walk into death. My mother was an inspiration, an incredibly loving and passionate woman.
In the last weeks of her life she arranged one final hurrah, a vacation for the entire family. Together we went on a cruise, it would be the last time we would be together as a happy, harmonious family.
The diagnosis of cancer is a catalyst for great change. It is through our wisdom that we decide whether this change is benevolent or malevolent. My mother showed me that no matter where the road leads us, we ultimately have the decision to decide how we leave. We decide how we will be remembered and how much love we can bring into the world.
A Good Life
As we move forward in life, parts of us die, while others continue to grow. When we lose people close to us it is important to remember how they lived, but it is also important to remember how they died.
The end of life is not the first death we’ve experienced. Change means something must stop so another may begin. These moments are smaller deaths to prepare us for the final one at the end of our road. If we gracefully accept the small changes in our life we will be ready for the final transformation at the end.
This post is about acceptance, love and growth. It is an exploration of life and those who have inspired us. Its a message that change can be good, the good comes from wisdom, temper it well and you will lead a good life.
I am beginning to discover that it is our dying parts that inspire others to live. To explore the magical nature of life and take the time to experience the experience. If you would like to walk back in time and read my thoughts from the past feel free to follow this link:
February 12, 2017 Vlog
The focus of this Vlog is your feelings. Throughout my journey I have been told by so many people that I should feel this or feel that. Ultimately what you should be feeling is whatever your are feeling right now.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to my Vlog. If you would like to read what I wrote I have it below. Thanks for listening.
Feel your feelings
Hello my name is Shawn White, but you can call me Shawn White.
This is my vlog, this is your blog, this is for anyone who is exploring their heart and strumming its strings.
It is a place where I can express my feelings, to swim through the open waters of emotion, and find my way to warm shores.
I want to find a beach so bright with golden rays that I can revitalize my heart. Sand so soft and smooth I can dig my feet deep and anchor myself in place. A place I can enjoy the cool slow moving wind and enjoy it until the end.
This Vlog is not about what some would call sad, or bad. It is not about smiles or laughs. This Vlog is about life, it is about experience, it is about being human.
Throughout my cancer journey I have been told many things. Ultimately of all the advice given to me, the greatest given was by a man whose name starts with the letter S. He is a wise gentleman who has inspired me to accept and explore my feelings for what they are.
From his words to mine, I believe the greatest advice I could give, is to follow your heart like a toucan’s nose. Whatever you are feeling is the one you should know. Live your life, feel whatever you are feeling. If you are angry, be angry, if you are sad, be sad, if you are thinking about death, think about death. Stop refusing to experience your emotions because it might make someone else feel comfortable.
Live your life, feel your life, embrace the experience of existence.
If you would like to read more about my thoughts and our journey through cancer feel free to click this amazing link!
The Loom of Fate was a piece that I created to illustrate the similarities that our lives have with a tapestry. Our hearts and minds are the physical manifestation of our soul parts, and it is the events of our lives and the passage of time that is the loom.
Through personal exploration and introspection I have discovered that regret is a monster that gnaws at the very root of one’s being. To indulge this beast, is to invite the inability to enjoy the passing moments of this beautiful world.
When we look at the Loom of Fate piece, we see our tapestry in its entirety. When we do this we can see where we came from, who we were and where we are now. In life, if we are to know where we are going we must know where we have been so that we can influence where it is that we are heading.
Knowing our past isn’t enough to move beyond regret; to develop a healthier spirit, and to watch our soul strengthen we must embrace every part of our tapestry. If it were not for the bad, we would never have perspective to appreciate the good. It is through all the moments of our life that our tapestry is woven, for without one fiber, no others may exist.
While experiencing life I have faced all sorts of challenges. Some have been OK but most have been terrible, that’s the nature of the journey. If cancer were a super fun time, then people would be taking summer vacations to visit. That’s not to say that there aren’t good things about it, it is just not the most fun adventure.
Sometimes we forget this disease is a part of our life, it is an experience, life by its very nature is meant to be explored. From time to time we need to take a breath and calm down, look at our lives and think about what we are going through. Perhaps ask ourselves if we want more from our existence than the pursuit of survival?
I don’t want to live just to survive, I don’t fight to defeat the monster inside me. I am here on this beautiful earth to experience life, to create a legacy and to do something that improves the value of existence for others. The pain, agony and finality of my cancer reminds me of the limited time we have on this world. It reinforces my resolve to pursue my passions, achieve my dreams and live life by my terms. Instead of heeding the wishes of my disease.