Jump into the air and be joyously jolly. Live, love and wear your heart like a glove. Stand with those who lift you high into the sky and dine on life like its a dreamy delight. Be better than before and flourish your beautiful light with all the might of a star. Let no bar barricade you from the gate of your divine destiny. Stand with me and become all you can be, a harmonious human, a happy heart and a silly soul swimming through the sea of destiny.
When storm clouds thunder and rumble, let your bellows blow. Reach into your chest and let your sadness go and perhaps the silly fun times will be begin to flow. Inspire someone’s soul with sun shine smiles. Give great intentions and subtly guide them a mile. Grant sweet spirits, grin ear to ear and glow with gooey goodness as you live with purpose.
Our insides can be sweet and sticky thick, like candy bits inside our spit. They may be empty and oily, perhaps slippery and slick, like a recently born yellow, cute little chick. But in the end, if we treat them right, simply put we wont have to fight. Our emotions will be true and our judgement fair, in our life we will live with little despair.
When we take the time to care, life becomes a great little lair. It is a cozy good place, where sadness has no base and our heart is happy, without any fear. So come with me now, look to the sky and prepare yourself to fly, cause no matter how the storm clouds rumble, we’ll be ready to give, by taking great strides to live our life.
Let go of the dark and dreary. Lighten your load, leave your abode and soothe your scene by setting yourself free. Invigorate your insides with the sight and sounds of the wonderful wilderness. Poke around a few paths, bathe in the shine of the sun and have lots of fun. Find a few skulls, a fancy feather and discover a dreamy day of delight.
Cancer coach Kathy Bero claims that she was able to cure her cancer using anti-angiogenic foods, reiki and meditation.
“There is real science that is going to be there” This woman says, as she makes it clear there is no science-based evidence supporting her claim that diet alone can cure cancer. She is giving advice to people based on her anecdotal evidence, which is the lowest form of evidence. This is extremely dangerous. These kinds of activities put the lives of sick people at risk, leading them down ineffective treatment options and horrific agony. Unfortunately when the blind lead the blind, people get hurt. This is a perfect example of this. The advice given to these people might lead them to refuse science-based treatment options to pursue the untested anecdotal testimony of one person. A testimony that ignored all the prior treatment she received.
Kathy Bero underwent extensive chemotherapy and paid the price in pain for its healing properties. Once the pain became too much she stopped taking it. I can empathize, when I was going through chemotherapy it was one of the most horrific experiences of my life. I would rather die than do it again, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work. When it comes to our life it is up to us to determine how much we are willing to pay. When it comes to cancer we aren’t paying in money, we are paying in pain, how much pain are we willing to pay to live.
In her situation there are two likely explanations for her current health. We could say it was the reiki, meditation and nutrition, or it was the invasive and scientifically tested chemotherapy medicine.
I have never read or heard of any scientific studies with controls that support reiki, meditation or nutrition as a means of curing cancer. On the other hand, I have read the science-based evidence supporting the effectiveness of chemotherapy.
If we apply Occam’s Razor to this situation, which is a problem-solving principle that, when presented with competing hypothetical answers to a problem, one should select the answer that makes the fewest assumptions. Chemotherapy and its effects can be measured. Its benefits can be compared against placebo and it has been proven under rigorous testing to have a benefit to people with cancer. On the other hand, practices like reiki have never been proven to have any effectiveness greater than placebo when controls are applied. Nutrition may improve wellness, but it does not have the ability to eliminate tumors and no amount of meditation will cure your cancer.
To believe nutrition, meditation and reiki cured this woman’s cancer requires a lot of assumptions. Simply put we must ignore the fact there is no evidence these practices have the ability to destroy cancer cells, especially metastatic cancer. She admits in her own interview that she believes her beliefs will be validated by science.
So which treatment option was responsible? The answer is simple, her chemotherapy. Had she not of underwent the terrible journey of chemotherapy, she wouldn’t be alive today. She can pretend her recipes and pseudo-medicine diet cured her cancer, but at the end of the day there is no science-based evidence to support her claims.
Mother nature is brutal and beautiful; she is the life taker and giver; and she loves all her children equally. Every living creature, meteorological phenomenon and catastrophe is a part of nature.
Forgive the events you cannot control and make the best of the ones you can.
Would you like to improve circulation? Maybe you are interested in stimulating your lymph system to increase your body’s ability to fight toxic invaders? Perhaps you want to increase the number of endorphins released? These are common claims made by massage therapists, but are they true? Is there any science-based evidence supporting these supposed benefits? The answer is simple, most massage modalities have no proven benefit.
Life is already challenging, lets avoid increasing that difficulty. We achieve this by advocating for ourselves, one great way to start is by being critical about the advice we are given. We should be exceptionally critical of any treatment option we use, especially when it comes to our health. In this article we are specifically discussing the benefits of massage. In my research I have discovered two proven benefits:
- It can down regulate the sympathetic nervous system.
- It feels great.
I believe it is natural to search for the truth, and I believe we should always reach for the stars. The best way to understand our world and the stars beyond is with the scientific method. This process has paved the way for society to engineer lifesaving technologies that have saved countless lives. It is healthy to desire knowledge and to ask why. Unfortunately, not everyone knows how to ask why or what science is. Many massage therapists have never been taught how to research or critically think, this paves the way for pseudo-medicine to continually nest within the massage industry. By and large massage therapists are undereducated, and they tend to cling to pre-science modalities or unproven ideas. This causes massage therapists to perpetuate myths and falsehoods. I want to help you protect yourself from this inaccurate information. The best way I know how is by showing you how to become your own advocate.
So how do I protect myself from low quality massage therapists? Finding the right massage therapist is like finding the right doctor. Now, by no means am I saying a massage therapist is equal to a doctor in education or scope of practice, but the way we approach our health should be universal.
Before using any massage therapist, we should review their website, or the company’s website they are employed by. This is done to see what modalities they use, and to determine if they provide evidence supporting the efficacy of these modalities. Contact the massage therapist and discuss their theory of massage, do their ideas match yours? If they don’t understand your needs, your needs will not be met. Not all massage therapists research and write articles, but if they do, this is a great way to see what their approach to massage is. If you can access a few, take some time to read them to determine if they are worth your hard-earned money.
Massage therapy makes all sorts of claims, here are some of the most common:
- Increased circulation.
- Increases stimulation of the lymph system to increase the body’s ability to fight toxic invaders.
- Releases endorphins.
- Improved range of motion.
- Relaxation of injured muscles.
- Increased recovery time after exercise.
- Increased joint flexibility.
- Treats migraines.
- Reduces post-operative adhesions.
- Reduces edema.
- Reduces scar tissue.
- Helps eliminate lactic acid from muscles.
- Removes toxins from the body.
It is easy to claim massage has a benefit, it is much more difficult to provide science-based evidence it plays a significant role in treating a disease or condition. Some of the claims above might be possible, but others are simply ludicrous.
Here are some more claims, take a look and ask yourself if you believe massage therapy could be an effective treatment option for the following conditions:
- Chronic pain.
- Disc problems.
- Pelvic floor dysfunction.
- Neurological dysfunction.
- Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
- Painful scars.
- Interstitial Cystitis.
- Mastectomy Pain.
- Menstrual Problems.
- Painful Intercourse.
- Urinary Frequency.
- Problematic Breast Implant.
- Infertility Problems.
- Urinary Incontinence.
- Urinary Urgency.
- Episiotomy Scars.
- Pelvic Floor Pain.
- Pudendal Nerve Entrapment.
Massage therapy is great, it feels good and as a result it relaxes us. In a world of hardship, challenge and infinite obstacles, massage has a great slice of the wellness pie. We provide a healthy, ethical and effective form of instant gratification. A client doesn’t have to worry about adverse effects or addiction when receiving one. When we have such a wonderful niche, why are we so concerned with the release of toxins, improvement of circulation and the numerous other unproven claims? Embrace massage for what it is, an experience that feels amazing!
Do you believe an alkaline diet or a sodium bicarbonate infusion is an effective way to treat cancer? Are you considering an alkaline diet? Are you doing it because you want to live a healthy life, perhaps to fight and prevent disease? If that is the case then adopting the alkaline diet would be a step in the wrong direction. It does not cure, treat or affect disease in any positive way.
If you’ve read any of the pH Miracle books or are considering adopting an alkaline diet, I strongly suggest researching its inventor.
The Father of the Alkaline Diet, Robert O. Young and author of the “pH Miracle” books claims acid is responsible for all disease and the cure is alkalinization. Preying on the fear and desperation of the terminally ill he made millions of dollars with his diet plans, books and treatments. In 2014 he was charged with conspiring to practice medicine without a license and multiple counts of grand theft. As of 2017 he was found guilty of practicing medicine without a license and was sentenced to over three years in prison.
Taking calcium has no effect on blood acidity. You could pour an entire bottle of calcium pills down your gullet and it would have no effect what-so-ever on your blood acidity. Sure it may neutralize some of the acidity of your stomach, but homeostasis would revert it back within a few minutes.
Robert O Young “treated” seriously ill people with unproven and potentially dangerous procedures without a medical licence. Under his “care” many have paid the price of their life in addition to thousands of dollars for ineffective treatments.
In 2012 Naima Houder-Mohammed paid Young $77,000 for treatment, where he infused sodium bicarbonate (baking soda) into her blood stream. She was treated by him for three months, during which her health worsened until she died. 
When we are desperate we often take great leaps of faith in the pursuit of survival. It is important we are armed with the right information to protect ourselves from charlatans and snake oil salesmen.
If it is too good to be true, it probably is, the alkaline diet and the treatments of Robert O Young is a great example of this. Unfortunately, some believe the alkaline diet is the magical cure for everything. Like any magical cure, its effects are placebo at best. Its a nonsense idea created by the convicted felon Robert O Young. This supposed expert on biology and diet is not a microbiologist, hematologist, medical doctor, naturopathic doctor or trained scientist. In fact he doesn’t have any post high-school degrees what-so-ever.
Many seriously ill people have lost thousands of dollars and their lives due to Young’s pseudo-science treatments. If you are considering a new diet, consult your licensed health care provider and thoroughly research your options before committing to a new lifestyle.
Sometimes we are coated in oil and everything is slippery and sloppy. Our inside zones burn and boil and desperately we seek to soak our souls in the soil. We reach out our hand to hold someone close, but often we are cloistered and closed away.
One day you will shake off that slippery, slick, sloppy sludge and sing a song of silly smiles. You will reach into your inside zones and touch your heart bone. You will no longer toil and desperately seek to soak your soul in the soil, because you will be happy, harmonious and peaceful.
The world can be a dark and dreary place and sometimes it can feel like we are constantly washing the muck off our face. Our lips turn sour becoming an upside down crown as it forms into a frown. Our hopes and dreams fade, we feel lost, sad and sorry. As our soul is saturated with dismay, our nerves begin to fray, so we sit and wait for the end of days.
There comes a time when we tire of the night and we rise. With a beaten and battered soul we muster all our might, attempting to fight the waste of this dark and dreary place. We punch, kick and scream, doing everything mean, but in the end we settle back in our seat, because once again we are beat.
We stand again, this time driving forward, pushing with all our strength, attempting to master the night, to defeat its dreariness and darkness. But, no matter how hard we push, now matter how strong we are, it is stronger. It defeats us because we cannot master the dark snippets of our soul.
Many of us never learn this lesson and we continually flex and force until we collapse under the strength of our own will. Each time we try to become the master, our life becomes a disaster, as we walk waywardly into an unwelcome wilderness. It takes a lot of walking, but eventually we learn we cannot master our emotions, we cannot make our heart zones cease to be. Until we can see how to achieve harmony we will never find the ease we need.
You are an amazing creature filled with so many magical moments and feels. Tend to your heart feels with loving care, find a purpose in their presence and love each for their beautiful uniqueness.
What is my purpose in life? When I tell people the answer they get excited. There is a certain thrill to hearing someone definitively tell you their purpose. Why is this exciting? It is because it gives them hope, in that moment they realize they too can achieve awareness of their purpose.
My purpose is to help others walk the twisting, dark road of life. To use my hardships to illuminate the land with beams of light showing them the right place to walk. My purpose is to inspire, bring joy and help others help themselves.
You too have a purpose and with it you will find the person you were meant to be. You will build the life you were born to weave. In the end you will see that if you take the lead, the world will become a better place indeed.
Finding a new doctor is like dating. We get to know who they are, what they believe and how they approach life. We want to make sure we are compatible and can spend a large chunk of our lives together. This doesn’t mean we are crossing professional boundaries, quite the opposite, this approach enables us to look deeper into who they are as a practitioner by learning about their professional accomplishments. While in their office we must believe they are listening to us, that we are safe under their care and they know enough to help. We need to make sure they are the best person for the job. Just like dating, we want to pair with this person for a long time, perhaps even the rest of our life, so it is important to make sure this doctor is the right choice.
How do I know if I have the right doctor for me? You must get to know yourself and discover what is important to you. You must set and enforce personal boundaries and become an unstoppable force.
I think I can take some time to get to know myself, but I’m not good with personal boundaries and I don’t think I could ever be an unstoppable force. How can I do this? Where do I even start? You start right now and every moment thereafter. Force of will is a tempered tool folded and pounded to perfection. Every day we have opportunities to become the better version of ourselves, seize those moments and move forward.
There was a time in my life when I was shy, I had a hard time talking or standing up to others. If I had to walk my NET cancer journey when I was shy, this would have been impossible. But don’t fret, just because you are shy now, doesn’t mean you will always be.
Shyness and Social Anxiety
Shyness, it sucks. That’s how I would describe it in three words. People are often surprised when I tell them I used to be very shy. Sometimes they ask how I overcame it. Well here is the first step of my fancy story.
In my mid-twenties, just after my mother had passed I was at a local dinner sitting with a couple friends waiting for our food. A few booths over was a group of young ladies, one in particular caught my eye, I was entranced by her beauty and I wanted to meet her. Unfortunately, I was frozen in fear and glued to my seat. “What is going on?” I thought to myself. I couldn’t muster a reason why I felt this, why I was so afraid? If she was so intimidating why would I be attracted to her?
After several moments of being teased by my friends for not approaching her, I rose from my seat and walked to her table. My hands were shaking, and my heart was pounding in my chest. When I opened my mouth to speak, all my charm fled, and I found myself completely unable to articulate my words. I stood there at the end of the table for several moments, I could feel their judgement piercing my soul. In a burst of what little confidence I had, I tried to introduce myself to her, a moment passed, and they were all quiet so I walked back to my seat.
I could hear them talking about me, describing how my hands were shaking, and how weird I seemed. As I sat there eating my meal, I reflected over the moment, and I came to the conclusion that I must have appeared completely insane.
At first, I saw this as a failure, but then I realized it was a success. I was unable to bridge my introduction into a conversation, but I was able to overcome the fear of talking to her. I set out to do something, and I did it. It was from this I was able to build my confidence. I spent some time thinking about how I could eliminate my social anxiety, and over several years of pushing myself I was able to become the social butterfly I am today.
Overcoming anything requires force of will, but we are simply unable to eliminate our hardships in one fell swoop. We must dedicate ourselves to a purpose and stick to it. My social anxiety didn’t disappear in this moment. I had to work on it daily. One of the first methods I used to fight my shyness was to smile and say hello to every person I saw. When they didn’t smile back or say hello, I copped by saying to myself they were the ones missing out.
If you are a person like myself who loves people and wants to have as many great friendships as you can, then challenge yourself, talk to others. Eventually you will realize there is nothing to fear. Most likely the person you want to talk to was wants to speak to you as well.
How does this help me with talking to my doctor and learning if they are right for me? In the beginning it may be difficult to directly talk to your doctor, but each time you stand your ground the better your footing becomes. Talking to a stranger can be daunting and by all accounts your doctor is a stranger. To complicate matters more we tend to deify their standing leading to a vast power differential. If you start making small changes in your life, these baby steps will improve your force of will and the effectiveness of your medical care. Be strong, know you’re amazing and make the most of your moments.
Life’s Beautiful Cacophony
The Journey Begins
Once upon a time…
Nestled within a mound of blankets, I listened to the muffled sounds of my bedroom. Individually they were annoying, together they were an orchestra, a comforting cacophony, a loving lullaby.
Outside my cave of warmth, was a frigid bedroom. Like a vampire, the morning air leeched the warmth from my room. Leaky air whistled from a poorly sealed window. An electric hum played with a rhythmic rattle. The ceiling fan spun, releasing sounds like tearing paper with an occasional crunchy click.
Blissful was the moment, safe and comfortable within my sanctuary of warmth. As the sun rose, my inside parts advised me to wake from my slumber. Lying in bed I relished the comfort of my cocoon. I yawned, and with a deep breath I felt something, an uncomfortable itch, a juicy-sludge within my chest.
I coughed to clear whatever it was. Instead, it moved a gurgle of something, a certain something somewhere. Again, I coughed, the slick thickness found its way into my mouth, it was a viscous, coppery, sticky… slickness.
The taste forced open my eyes, something strange was happening… I needed to spit this out, to get this mystery liquid from my mouth. Reluctantly, I reached my arm beyond the barrier of blankets.
Intense barely describes the cold sensation that wrapped my arm. The temperature contrast was excruciating, so cold, so shocking… it made me gasp for air.
The deep breath rattled my insides. I erupted into a coughing fit and with each hack, a glob of thick, mysterious, goop filled my mouth.
My fingertips discovered and grabbed a tissue box. Eagerly and with haste I pulled it under the covers. Slowly my flesh thawed, warmth returning to my skin.
After a moment of recuperation, I placed a tissue against my lips and spat into it. Cough after cough I went from one tissue to the next. It hurt, it was a dry pain scouring my lungs for this never–ending nastiness. I continued to hack until all the tissues were sopping wet. “What is going on?” My heart worried, I needed to see what was on these tissues.
Raising my head from my cocoon I looked down. It was cold, but the chill paled compared to my terror. My heart sank into my stomach, the world slowed, and my heart raced. It was at that moment I realized every tissue was soaked in crimson, red, blood.
Recently I was involved in a conversation with someone claiming essential oils could be used to help induce labor. I was interested in hearing more, because a scientific mind is creative and open. In my research I have never read any science-based evidence supporting this claim, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. If someone has data supporting essential oils can help induce labor I want to read it. If they can’t provide science-based evidence, then my opinion will most likely remain the same. Those who don’t question the science or effectiveness of their ideas are pseudo-scientists and are a part of the problem in society. If we want to remain forward thinkers working hard to improve our lives we must engage in critical thought, debate and research.
Others participating in the conversation claimed there were no studies on aroma therapy and pregnancy. It was as if they were so locked in their beliefs they were unwilling to check PubMed to see if their claims had any weight. With a five second search I found an article on labor pain management and aroma therapy. It wasn’t directly related to the labor inducing claim, but it did show research existed.
Essential oils are discussed a lot in my professional circles, that is because I am a massage therapist. Unfortunately, with essential oils we are visited by the local parasite, the MLM. Shawn White, why do you speak so negatively about this type of business? The answer is simple, if a company is an MLM it is operating with an inherently unethical and unsustainable business model. MLMs, like cancer are bad for society, they destroy hopes and dreams, empty savings accounts and push people to desperate lengths, often leading them to terminate longstanding and healthy relationships. If you find yourself invited to an MLM, take this fancy test to see what kind of pyramid presence they are presenting.
What is Aromatherapy?
Aromatherapy proponents describe this modality as “the therapeutic use of the essential oils of plants.” The term was coined by Rene Maurice Gattefosse, a French chemist in the 1920’s. When the term essential is used it is not describing the nutritional value of these plants. Instead it is the volatile, aromatic components that are the “essence” of the plant. This essence is believed to embody the plant’s life force and contains hormones, vitamins, antibiotics, and antiseptics. These oils are supposed to be administered in small quantities via inhalation and massage, though occasionally they are taken internally. 
Aromatherapists claim essential oils have the benefits of :
- They are convenient, quick and easy to use. – You can wear them during the day, diffuse them in your home or work place, or simply keep them in your pocket.
- Are organic substances from the volatile liquid of plants. – The essential oils support healthy body functions such as healthy immune system function.
- They can penetrate the skin and affect the emotional center. – Oils cross the brain-blood barrier and reach the amygdala and other limbic parts of the brain that control our mood, emotions and beliefs. So they can help us with our ability to handle stress, anger or any other emotion.
- Soothes muscle discomfort after exercise.
- Helps animals.
- Support healthy digestion.
What are my thoughts on Aromatherapy and Essential Oils?
Convenience is great, Americans love getting stuff right now, we are obsessed with fast food and instant gratification. Its fair to want medicine we can easily take, fortunately most simply require a small cup of water and the ability to swallow. The more important subject to discuss is aromatherapy’s claims involving the immune system. What do they mean by “The essential oils support healthy body functions such as healthy immune system function. ”
What part of the immune system are they supporting and in what way? What research has been done and where can I find evidence supporting these claims? Are these studies only in vitro or have they been performed on animals and humans? Are these results meaningful, have the researchers proven the outcome was statistically significant? This article presented by Mark Crislip at Science Based Medicine, is an in depth critical analysis of products and procedures claiming to support the immune system.
I read and hear a lot about the benefits essential oils have on mood, but where is the science-based evidence? If you have access to a double-blind study observing the effects essential oils have on mental illness I would love to read it. As of yet I have not found any evidence except anecdotal testimonies.
When someone says their product soothes muscle discomfort after exercise they referring to a condition called Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness, aka DOMS. People have tried many methods to eliminate DOMS. Massage, ultrasound, light exercise, glutamine, stretching, icing, electrical nerve stimulation, Epsom salts, drinking water, cherry juice, compression garments and vitamin D have been used to combat DOMS. Unfortunately, these methods just like Aromatherapy are ineffective . “To date, a sound and consistent treatment for DOMS has not been established. Although multiple practices exist for the treatment of DOMS, few have scientific support. ”
We all have our own road, whether it is cracked asphalt, grey gravel or cobblestone. When we are young someone holds our hand, teaching us where to step. Somewhere along the way our guide disappears, and we convince ourselves we must continue alone.
Entering adulthood, we grab our keys and race on the highway of life. We speed along watching the world flash by. Sometimes we peek at the rearview mirror to see what we missed.
It’s a hard road to drive, especially alone. The nights can become long and lonely and as we travel, each city blurs into the next. We lose sight of what we are seeing, especially once we close our eyes. There comes a time when we have seen so many horrible things we no longer want to look. Once we stop looking we miss the magnificence, because in every sight is a scene of horrific beauty and every second is a snap shot of infinite wonder.
People in your Life
How wonderful are the people in your life?
Are they marvelous?
Do they fill your inside zones with joy?
Are they the delicious cream of your soft scrumptious eclair?
Do they own your heart and soul?
Did you give this as a gift?
or were your bones broken as they peeled your fingers back?
to snatch and grab your heart from your battered and beaten hand.
Do they bounce your soul like an old rubber ball?
Like they don’t care about it at all?
letting it fly this way and that, bouncing down the bleak empty hall.
or do they nestle it against their chest?
Loving it for All
Threes a bean and his girlfriend Snur
Three’s a bean
and silly to be
He likes cats and furs
and especially his girl friend Snur
She likes big fancy things
and things that sing
She likes love and likes and really fast bikes
and especially her big boy friend Three.
Together they were a pair
Living like two beans in a snare.
They danced and pranced
and moved with glee.
Sometimes they would leave their trap
to follow a map
traveling to places
from here to there
They would see things
Having fun and such
Holding hand in hand
protecting each other from the hot covered sand.
which is now
They left for a trip
Together just the two
Walking from here to there
and there to there
they found spiky, pokey burly bur cover land
It was there, there was no way round
only option was to go back from where they were found
With smiles on their face
and anticipation on their brow
they tip toed here and there
avoiding this and that
as they walked this sticky stucky place with their shoe-less feet
Three the bean began to find things with his feet.
OH I THINK THESE THINGS ARE STUCK IN MY TOE!
Snur stopped and turned
her face was filled with concern
She knelt close to take a look.
surely whirly there it was, that burly bur was sticking stuckly right from that bulgingly big toe!
This thing I see
It sticks out
for everyone to see!
It so big, bigger than big
Its enormous! How were you able to step on something so huge?
The eyes of Three widened
His eyes filled with fear, how bad could this be?
With a weakened soft voice he said:
That’s what you see?
It sticks out?
Its so big? How can this be?
How will I ever go free?
She pondered and thought
then one idea came
it was with her fingers
that she would set him free
with two fingers pinching
she sure did squeeze
Snur pulled that big ol’ bur
and threw it into the leaves
after a single moment
they both could see
he, Mr Three the bean was finally free!
A long trip they saw
Burs and sticks and stones dotted as far as their eye could spy
Snur looked at Three’s clumsy feet
Though they were big, though she loved their strength
knew he was no acrobat
surely he would step on every burly bur as he walked through the burs and sticks and stones
With a welcoming smile Snur said:
Come here my big fine man
Come take my hand
Come climb my back
Come be my sac pack
your girlfriend Snur
carry you pass all these burs.
You want me to do something
You want me to do something
That something isn’t fair
I’m not the instrument of your destruction
The implement of despair
You gave me something
A gift you wanted me to share
It was a broken piece of glass
A little piece of a bowl
When you look at it closer
It’s a window to the soul
A little shard of intimacy
The knot between you and another
Words and parts,
People and places
Events and things
All sorts of feel-ings
You wanted me to cut them
A slash that would wound me too
That broken piece of glass
So calculating, so sharp
Your desires, your dreams
What do they even mean
Why would you do this
Is your heart that a miss
So black and dreary
Full of so much pain
Why do you want to take so much…
from my vein?
You set me to flame
Truly tell me,
What in the world do you have to gain?
I am Strong
Thank You Tony Strutynski
Tony, a man I’ve given many names, shared many moments and many conversations with. He has been my friend at my best moments and my worst. As he walks candy coated love explodes from his chest and skittle flavored rainbows shoot from his mouth. There is no one I know who cares about their friends like this beautiful man. His heart is sweet in such a way he reminds you it’s cool to be a kid and alright to be an adult. He inspires me to write, fight and be the Shawn White I am today, yesterday, everyday.
This is a man who passes no judgement, carries no gavel and most likely doesn’t eat any gravel. He’s down with silliness, ridiculousness and all the Shawn White tomfoolery I can toss at him.
This is a man who mowed my lawn, changed my cat litter boxes and made sure I was alright every week while I was in all my troubled times. He helped me when I needed him, going above and beyond what would be fair for any friend.
He is an inspiration to me, a motivation to me.
Tony thank you for being my friend. A great friend. A true friend.
I can only hope to be an ounce to you as you have been to me.
Equal and Peaceful
River mud caries on the wind, massaging our flesh like a lover’s touch. Flowery fuzies float in the air as spring snowflakes. Life is better than good, better than bad. It is equal and peaceful.
It feels good to look at the world with open eyes. A vision with clean filters of peace and harmony. Free of weight, without the world’s mass pinning us down. Our knees no longer press against hard stone. The blood, the pain, the agony is gone. No longer do we live in fear, in pain or with anger. Together we are enjoying the moment, loving the world and the miracle of life.
No longer do we eat the meal of sadness and joy. They’ve become candy sprinkles, a sugary delight, an occasional pleasure. It’s no longer about what we’ve faced or the feel of our face. It’s about the look of their face, the love of their face, the love on our face.
Life is more, less, exactly as it’s supposed to be. Not backwards or forwards, here or there. It’s more than nothing, less than something, not even or odd. Life is beautiful, awe-inspiring, beyond imagination, finite and infinite.
that was cool
I had a twinge of sadness
a reflection of what could have been
what might have been
It was neat to see it in the way that I do
It was in another way
A peaceful way
a harmonious way
a way that is fair
and to you
The fire Abdomidon rides in the night air as we speak
In the night of the ever cold
The moon light chill burns my flesh to goose bumps standing on end, awaiting orders.
The hairs on my thin white flesh rise like stems of bamboo sticks of the color green, blowing in the midnight wind of the moon.
The blood rushes red to my skin to warm it with the underneath touch
I shiver and grasp the blue denim jeans of outside cold chill to warm my tightening joints.
The cold jeans warm nothing to my hands of frost, the old man of winter wished upon me.
My eyes blink as the cold sharp winds rage my face.
I bring my hands to shelter the tender flesh of my face. The cold digits of my hands protected nothing. The winds cut deep into my eyes. My green eyes, my blue green eyes.
Tears ball up, and struggle to maintain order within, protecting them from the pain and damage of the wind
I turn my back on this sharp skin ripping dull wind. Its cold air wisps up my back and under my soft wool and cotton. Riding the pale hair up my back, entertaining my spine.
My teeth chatter with desperation.
My knees tighten and wobble
My nose grows red
The cold of my toes grow to pain
The chill filled eyes scratch to look around
Searching for an end to the pain
The eyes turn sharp, and dart and dart
and the body withers and shivers
As a rumble is heard.
He sat on his couch, the ambient noise of a movie played in the background. The day was one of significance, one of growing grief, one ending with a blooming sadness. Like a flower his eyes released in a bout of tearful waterworks, a release, a joyous scene of sadness.
He had a friend, one he was thankful for, this person spoke to him as he wept. Their words walked with him as his tears crawled down his face. Speaking fairly and genuinely, he was reminded of the beautiful reality of his tears. They used his own words to console him, his own tone to remind him. It felt good to hear these things as he faced the sadness, this healthy sadness.
He thought about the tears streaming down his face, their significance. What were they truly, he thought to himself. It was a cocktail of their words and his, the truth, the simple truth was he was a new man. He had no walls, no anger, no animosity, he became someone else. This was the first loss he felt, a loss without the bone crushing cold of depression, or the volcanic power of mania. He was letting go of a love, a good love, a precious love. Yet, he was not letting go of love.
Love would stay, as this new man he loved everyone. Willing to love those who’d hurt him in the past. Those he’d never met and those he knew now. Life was new, things were different, he could feel with his fingers, with his lips… with his heart.