discomfort

Permission to Feel

Our lives are saturated with so many sensations; being in and out of love, feeling unstoppable and stuck, fearless and fearful. Sometimes we are in the throes of pleasure or pain, lost or losing ourselves in the moment.

When dreary discomfort overcomes us, we can look lovingly at life. Open our beaten and blackened eyes to see the light, a sight that lightens our load and lifts us to a state of delight.

However sometimes our eyes are not easily opened. The world will punch and kick and beat us to a pulp. It will pound us when we fall and it will stomp us on the ground. Our eyes are hard to open when bruised and swollen. They are hard to open when dreary discomfort overcomes us, in these moments its hard to look lovingly at life.

It’s ok, its alright to lay with your eyes closed. Your eyes don’t always need to see this grand light. You don’t need to be positive and joyous every moment of every day. The brilliance of the sun comes and goes, when the dark of night finds us it’s time to slow, to sleep and rest.

To be positive when it’s time to embrace the negative, is like suffering a migraine in the midst of bright light.

Do what is right for you right now. Tend to the darkness when it is time. Love the feels even as they hurt. Embrace the experience of the experience.

Give yourself permission to feel,
what you feel.

I feel like garbage

Garbage

garbage

Where am I am today?  I am in a I fucking hate this life kind of mood.  I feel like utter shit!  I am tired of feeling this way.  I can’t feel my fingers and toes, earlier I couldn’t feel my face.  I am stressed beyond imagination and I feel like all of my hopes and dreams have been stolen from me.  I feel robbed.  I feel like I am living in this shell of a body, I am so angry.  I try and I push and I do my best to make the best of every moment.  Times like these, times like these long moments I despise the cards that have been dealt to me.  It fucking sucks, there is no other way to describe it.

We must become advocates, all of us

Becoming your own advocate means you must learn how to critically research and develop critical thinking skills.  I consider personal advocacy to be an inner boundary (something I will discuss later).

Being your own Advocate means you must be a leader.  You have the break the mold of putting your life into the hands of strangers you know nothing about. These people should be working for you and not the other way around.

We should be interviewing these people, they should be earning our trust, we are their boss, there should be no point in our treatment plan that they are our boss. They are the people we are using to get a service done, if their ego or inability gets in the way of achieving your goals then they are failing in the duties they were hired for.  When this happens it is time for you to fire them.

If you hired someone to fix your motor vehicle would you hire them again if they failed to fix the part you paid them to repair?  Would you hire them again if they refused to follow your instructions?  No, of course you wouldn’t, so why are we shelling out thousands and thousands of dollars to health care professionals who are not meeting or exceeding our expectations.

Something has got to change and the only way I can see that change happening is if we have a greater understanding of our care.  If we take charge of our treatment plan and learn how to say NO, we can become a true advocate for our own health.  We have to be our own advocate.  This WE is more than just cancer patients, this is everyone.  Everyone has to be made aware of how to demand the service they deserve because they are paying for it, the service they deserve because they are a human being.

 

What does this mean? Part 1 (Introduction)

What does this mean, what does that mean, these are questions I found myself asking along the way.  Often I would see lists of abbreviations and acronyms that represented critical bits of information that did not exist within my vernacular. There is so much information in the medical world, it is easy for anyone to get lost in its sea of vast knowledge.

This series focuses on the abbreviations, acronyms and terms found on the different documents we see through our cancer journey.  This series is less entertaining and more informative, each post will have the subject matter after the part number in parenthesis.  My goal is to provide a comprehensive and easy to locate list to help you understand the difficult road ahead of you.

I want to leave off saying that I am not a doctor or a physician.  These definitions and explanations reflect my own personal research on the topic.  You should consult your health care provider when deciding your medical needs.  My goal is to give you some frame work to help facilitate those conversations.